Jasus

As I wake in the cold uninhabited house, I open my sleeping bag and see the vapor of my breath. I rub my hands together and blow into them to try to wake them up. I put on my navy, velvety dressing gown and moved over towards the window. I look at the moth-eaten curtains with disgust, and pull them open.

‘Jasus!’ I say to myself, my hands moving towards my heart, my feet taking a step backwards on the stained, patterned carpet. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought to wake up to a cow at my window! The large, brown-haired animal, with a white muzzle, was just there, cheekily chewing some grass. She didn’t react to me. It was as though she was half expecting me, and was just there to say good morning.

I walked into the sitting room / dining room / kitchen and saw my brother pouring kettle water into a tea pot. ‘You’d never guess what I just saw!’ I told him, my hands on my cheeks, still in shock at the mornings surprise. He threw seven tea bags into the pot to let them brew, before turning to me, his mouth wide open. ‘What?’ he shrieked, one hand on his hip, the other covering his mouth.

Mesmerized that such an animal, one which I fear, had the audacity to frighten the living shite out of me when I had just woken up, made me forget about the chill in the air. I had definitely warmed up.

I put on my dirty, blue wellington boots that were at the door to the cottage and walked towards the wall my room was adjacent to. There she was, as bold as brass, picking up the grass with her long tongue and chewing it with a loud crunching sound. She turned her head to look at me and moved closer. The closer she moved forward, the further I moved back until I bumped into my brother who was holding a mug of strong tea for me.

‘Jasus’ I repeated, ‘are you trying to kill me?’ He looked at me, his jumper soaked in tea. ‘Jasus!’ he squealed in a tone that only dogs could hear. Fright seemed to be coming at us both from all angles! And to think, we came out to the countryside for some peace!.. Jasus!