Ichetucknee Villanelle

Cherry

By TJW

Fri, 02 Feb 2024
  • 718 reads
11 comments
 

The heron is blue as the spring is clear.

This stretch of aquifers

is never asleep

and the deer are shy;

timid without fear.

 

Yes, the aquifers flow

and, yes, the hammocks creep.

The heron is blue

as the spring is clear.

 

Flowing and creeping with more knowledge

than I know

in the slowness and clearness that

surely we will reap;

and the deer are shy,

timid without fear.

 

The stillness of movement is defiant;

whispers fuck you - I will grow

because Nature is my Mother

and She does not underkeep.

The heron is blue

as the spring is clear.

 

Indians say it was the beaver

who came here first to sow;

its dam, they say, made the 

spring deep

and the deer are shy,

timid without fear.

 

They might've been Timicua,

definitely not Crow;

whatever their Nation, into it I

did leap.

The heron is blue

as the spring is clear

and the deer are shy,

timid without fear.

 

Certificate 18
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Is this from when you went off on your explore recently? I like the repetirion. I don't know how to do a vilanelle either, but I think it's for this sort of repetition isn't it?

what are the 'hammocks'?

I wondered why you had this as '18'? I suppose it it because of the swear word. If you took that out, there would be no problem?! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by TJW on

Yes, this is from when I "went off on my explore" - like the way you put it  Hammocks are stands of hardwood trees that form an island separate from the ecosystem.  Don't know about the swear word.  This is the first draft and I'm not the revising type.

Appreciate your time

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

This creates a wonderful atmosphere, above all the reader can feel the stillness. I love the description of the deer 'timid without fear'. It made me think, with sadness, of the difference between timidity and terror and what we have done to make that difference.

Submitted by TJW on

The deer were awesome.  Heard a baby bleat, cute as shit.  Appreciate you investing your time and thought 

 

Submitted by D G Moody on

A difficult form is the Villanelle, probably the most famous is Do not go gently into that good night. so well done for this one. 

Dougie Moody

Submitted by TJW on

I'm grateful, also I am never writing another one.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I love the feeling of being enfolded :0) How I feel in the woods, too. And how you have blue, at the beginning, made me feel I was part of the sky and water

"The heron is blue

as the spring is clear.

Flowing and creeping with more knowledge

than I know

in the slowness and clearness that

surely we will reap"

This is a prayer to hold onto. Thankyou for sharing the Peace you found, and making this, so beautiful from it

 

Submitted by TJW on

Never been told that I've made anything beautiful before.  Thanks, DH 

 

Submitted by celticman on

works for me, the repetition is what nature does. 

 

Submitted by TJW on

And your comment works for me, appreciate your time as always.

 

Submitted by TJW on