Autistic Man!

Loosely-based on George Carlin's 'Modern Man' performance poem, I wrote this for a poetry slam a couple of years ago.  It needs a rapid-fire delivery, so it took a lot of memorising!

 

AUTISTIC MAN!

 

I'm an autistic man -

a human being for the modern age,

Medication and support-free.

 

A neurodivergent, multicultural,

non-discriminating, all-embracing,

peace-loving lone wolf -

politically, ecologically

and neurologically correct.

 

I've been outcast and invalidated.

I've been misunderstood and misdiagnosed.

I've had CBT for BPD,

Prozac to bring my happiness back,

Valium for social anxiety,

therapy to cure me of therapy,

but now, at last, I'm therapy-free.

 

I keep a high-tech low profile.

I'm a cutting edge, state-of-the-art,

hyper-focused free-thinker,

And I can deliver a sharp comeback

to blunt a neurotypical take-down

anytime.

 

I'm new age, but I'm old school,

And my inner rebel is coming out.

I'm a green-thinking, recycling,

direct-acting social justice warrior,

ethically-aware and carbon neutral.

 

I interface through social media,

write arcane content on Wikipedia,

So I'm interactive,

I'm hyperactive,

And from time-to-time,

I'm radioactive.

 

Behind the canvas,

ahead of the game,

minor league, but

major key and

spillin' the tea.

 

I'm off-beat,

off-grid,

off drugs

and on the up.

I've got no need to take the lead,

but I've got no urge to follow the herd.

 

I'm in the moment,

on the edge,

over the top

and under the radar      

 

A high-concept, low-profile,

short-fused, long-range

ballistic missionary.

A Linux operating system in a Windows world.

A street-shy smart-arse.

An early-learner, late-diagnosed.

A heavyweight contender, light on my feet.

 

I don't wear ties,

I don't like lies,

I don't take shit,

I'm fighting fit.

 

I'm a fully-made-up and paid-up,

heart-first, head-strong Aspie

with an all-embracing outreach.

A loving life-aholic

A living love-aholic

Out of rehab,

And in denial.

 

I've got radical views,

I read radical news,

I've got a radical brain

And a radical agenda.

 

You can't shut me up

and you can't shut me down.

'Cause I'm creative

And I'm mutative.

I'm a sigma male on CBD oil!

 

I'm a non-believer, but a spiritual receiver.

Laid back and moving forward.

 

Up front,

Down home,

low rent,

high maintenance.

 

Super size,

long-lasting,

high definition,

fast-acting,

flash-chilled

and ready to cook.

 

I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, head-strong  wise-arse,

prematurely post-traumatic -

a formal education drop-out,

but a canny kitty-cat in a dopey dumb-dog world.

 

And I'm feeling,

I'm caring,

I'm healing,

I'm sharing.

A supportive bonding nurturing empath -

in spite of what the DSM-5 might say.  (spits)

 

My income is down,

But my output is up.

I take a short view on the long term,

And my interest rates are surprising and rising.

 

I eat good food,

I read good books,

I drink good booze,

I don't watch TV.

 

I'm obsessive-compulsive,

focus-intensive,

animal friendly,

and bullshit intolerant.

 

I'm anti-establishment and

nonconformist.

On the outside, looking in.

I use the C word in my emails,

And my Facebook page is loaded with rage.

 

My black-and-white thinking is psychedelic!

I've a narrow focus, but a broad view.

I'm high-minded, but short-tempered.

I drink sloe gin as fast as I can!

 

I'm meat-free,

size-wise,

fashion-unconscious,

but comfortable in my skin.

 

An unofficially-authorized,

fully-equipped,

IQ-tested,

quality-controlled,

clinically-certified,

scientifically-formulated

deoxyribonucleic acid miracle.

A non-stereotypical heterogeneous genius!

 

I've been pre-judged

pre-empted

pre-screened

pre-determined

pre-diagnosed

post-traumatised

co-opted

contradicted

circumvented

gaslit

uprooted

and down-trodden -

but I have an unlimited bounce-back capacity!

 

I'm a dark horse with a light heart.

Lean and keen.

Cool, smooth and in the groove.

Cocked, locked and ready to rock

 

I don't take it slow.

I don't go with the flow.

And let me say it out loud:

I DON'T follow the crowd.

 

Joggin' and bloggin',

duckin' and divin',

cursin' and versin'

jumpin' and jivin' -

grooving to the rhythm

of my own tune.

 

I don't schmooze,

so I don't lose.

I keep myself to myself

for the good of my health.

My idea of hell

is a ring at the bell

and when I'm home alone,

I switch off the phone.

 

I party...  hardly!

And bed time is.... zed time.

 

I'm hanging in,

there ain't no doubt -

I'm an autistic thriver and survivor.

 

Over and out!