An unfair test

Welcome to ABCTales Karma. In my opinion your big sister is wrong. This story certainly doesn't lack emotion, neither does it read like AI. I've added some suggestions where the English is a bit misplaced - hope you don't mind - and kudos to you for being so determined to work on your language skills!

"You have to take responsibility now”, an icy voice (jeered at me) - said. I don't think jeered is the right word. Instilled with anger and horror, I bashed at the old hag. (bashed means you hit her - as in physically attacked. I don't think you meant this?. Also old hag is a really insulting term. Perhaps instead, try 'I retorted scornfully' “Why would I do such a thing! I just recently got admitted to my dream college”. She looked at me in sorrow and said in a remorseful tone, “There is nothing we can do.” A soft drizzle of water escaped our eyes as I began cursing out my tongue in a frenzy.

“Language; young man!” she stuttered

With my nerves at their limit, I stormed out of the house. Never in my life could I have envisioned such an ordeal to take place just after applying for university.

Frequent thoughts about running away kept surfacing over my head during the entirety of the evening - kept coming into my head . As the night progressed, I went to the spot where I used to go with my dad in the past. It was our hideout, a place we often visited whenever I was feeling down.

It was the perfect place for stargazing. An illustrious sky - a majestic sky - was painted with the glamour of the stars. It sparkled fervently (fervently not the right word) with each second. As I sat in the quiet darkness, memories flooded back to me like the tide, washing over me with a bittersweet nostalgia that filled my heart with both warmth and longing. I grew more eerie (eerie not the right word. do you mean weary, as in tired, overloaded? ) as time passed; I was met with a cruel choice, “Should I give up my dreams for the family that had forsaken my dreams or run away to pursue them?” Trying to calm my unstable (unstable the wrong word) heart, I tried convincing myself with petty words like, “Why should I sacrifice my future for theirs”. (maybe instead 'I tried to convince myself otherwise,')

Throughout my childhood, I had always scoffed at my dad’s unwavering determination to sacrifice everything for us. I branded it as something that is akin to law, but at last, I realized that the job was not too easy.

During the peak of my little mental breakdown, a sudden flashback hurtled at me (a sudden memory came back to me'. “Family comes first” is the iron-clad policy my dad had. It echoed in my ears until I heaved a deep sigh and then slapped my cheeks with my hands to regain consciousness (to wake myself up - regain consciousness means you were literally unconscious. “Ouch”, I said. With a newfound determination, I ran back home to reconcile with my mother. Now was not the time to worry about something so trivial as a university. I needed to mend the ties that were broken by his departure.