A Foreign Tour

I want to go to Belgium to encounter noble men
Who've slept with ugly women for a Belgian-Franc or ten,
I want to visit lovely France and eat garlic eclairs
Where the smelly onion-sellers dance in homogenic pairs,
I want to go to Italy and laugh at all their wines
And treat their women shittily just like they've treated mine,
I want to ski in Austria and ask the locals why
It's always so much costlier to go in mid-July,
I want to go to Sweden to the gardens of the poor
And ask who does their weeding when their backs won't bend no
more,
I want to visit Espanol and watch Real Madrid
And buy a macarena doll and give it to my kid,
I want to go to Russia though the climate is quite cold
And sell their women blusher which is over ten years old,
And when I've been so far and wide and got back home again
I'll have a pint of London Pride with proper, English men.