O:Cult of Wiener Dog

Red wiener dog banners, painted with gold, hung high and valiantly
over the lecture hall.

"The Dachsund, or wiener dog, is an animal of beautiful simplicity,"
explained Dr. Juggernaut to an audience of about a hundred, or two
hundred if each person's wiener dog was to be counted.

"Easily controllable, this lovable dog provides pleasant companionship
and tranquillity. Of all the things in this world, there is nothing
more beautiful than a wiener dog. Were I the king of all kingdoms, I
would ask for nothing more than a wiener dog. I now conclude my
lecture. Any questions?"

The hand of every audience member raised instantly. "You," said the
professor, pointing to a man, "in the back with the black wiener dog
shirt."

The man got out a note-pad and inquired, "Professor Juggernaut, Do you
support German Chancellor Heinrich Reichen's position on how your
philosophical theories should be applied to the suppression of
conformist sects?"

The professor let out a beast-like roar that echoed through the
auditorium, shaking the windows and knocking over paper
coffee-cups.

"Security.", called the professor mildly. The man who asked the
question was roughly led out of the room.

"For thirty years, I've wracked my brain with the problems of the
world. I've sunk my teeth into mathematical systems, scientific
puzzles, and philosophical abstractions. For twenty-five years, the
world ignored my work. My slaughterous thoughts refuse to contemplate
anything colder or more complicated than a wiener dog," continued
Juggernaut.

"And now, does anybody have a question relating to the sublime wiener
dog?" He wiped his wrinkled brow in agitation. His ice-white hair was
saturated with sweat.

Several audience members asked questions involving wiener dogs and soon
the lecture was over.

Juggernaut left through a back-door, escorted by his body-guards. As he
was about to step into a black limousine, one of his body-guards
unloaded a pistol into him and was quickly cut down in turn by the rest
of the body-guards.