Down

I am trying to prove a point that I know cannot be proven. By trying to dress and wash and look after myself. But unfortunately I seem to be able to acheive a maximum of two things from the list per day:

1. Wash and dress
2. Take meds and keep BP up
3. Do something to make myself feel useful
4. Stop thinking morbid thoughts.

Here is the conundrum, If I do number #3 I forget to do either #1 or #2 or both. If I don't do #3, then #4 is inevitable. It is rather like one of those logic puzzles that lacks a solution. I could write about how I feel but I've done that before. Solutions are sought not exploration. Dr Schatzman suggests I see him and I know already he has nothing valuable to say to me. I am stuck in the last coil of life's maze. It has baffled me for a long time and now I feel it has defeated me. I can't work it out, other than the bit as far as I've ballsed it up.

Picnics in the park are only a temporary solution. There are I am sure permanent ones. Samar came to see me in hospital the day before I was discharged and told me that in her opinion pretty much everyone goes to heaven, which echoes my view after studying St Iranaeus.

She figured it out after suffering an enzyme deficiency which made her really ill. When I got home, apart from the fruit in my fruit bowl being mouldy, I had a lot of post, including my diploma results. I did really well in that module where I wrote the essay on Iranaeus. I got a distinction