An Alien Visits the Internet Cafe

I was sitting in the internet cafe drinking a glass of orange juice in front of my computer. The pretty Australian girl who worked there was having her birthday party, so we were all having a few drinks and having some things to eat in celebration. Somebody handed me some birthday cake and said, 'You'd better eat it up before it's all gone.' I took a few slices. They tasted strange. I spent a few minutes trying to find an American radio station I could listen to. Eventually I found a Christian pop music station, to which I listened for about half an hour. The music was interesting and different, but it seemed to be having a strange effect on my mind. I turned around and I saw a bronze man with glowing eyes standing next to my desk. I assumed he was an alien.
"Take me to your leader," he said.
I explained that my leader actually lived hundreds of miles away. Maybe the alien had miscalculated his co-ordinates. But there was a way I could communicate with my leader. ablair@parliament.gov.uk. We could email him. I sent Tony Blair the following email:

'Dear Prime Minister, an alien has come into my internet cafe. He said, 'Take me to your leader.' I explained my leader was a rather long way away, but this was the usual way that I communicated with him. The alien says that on his planet there is no war because everybody is kind to eachother all the time, there is no crime and there are no prisons. There is no shortage of anything in the health service, there is no pollution, and hardly anyone is ever ill. There is no unemployment or poverty because work and money are equally shared, and every single place in his world is extremely beautiful and full of brightly coloured trees and flowers. I think perhaps you could learn from this alien, invite him to your policy forums and let him talk about how aliens govern.'

I turned around again. The alien had disappeared. I suddenly realised that the orange juice I had been drinking was alcoholic and the birthday cake I had been eating was full of cannabis. Tony Blair replied to my email saying that while he understood the sentiments of the alien he could see very little chance of Earth becoming like that, at least, not in the short term.