OK Alone

Someone invites you, a drink
their house for seven and you take it
there'll be cocktails, a tray
with olives - not your thing but
a dip for the pits, Mexican ware.
You'll be lost, like you are these days
you used to be better at these
things, wiser - you
made people laugh - and then lost it.
Later you'll go out the two of you
you'll wonder how you ever felt
like yourself with people.
These clothes won't feel like yours
there will be others laughing
and you won't get the jokes.
There will be a table, lights, wine
and you'll wonder how to connect.
You used to be wired in, you really did.
You've taken to talking
to someone who's gone. Moved on.
Lips moving when you drive, proper
conversation. At traffic lights you
tap the wheel, pretend to be singing
in case someone's looking.
Walk your thumb around the steering wheel
in little steps, bending the knuckle
thinking that it gives like flesh.
It can't be that you're only ok alone.