I have a cold

I am very sad about the whole thing.I am sad that I am ill.Maybe I will get through.I certainly hope so because I sort of had some ideas of how I was going to use my new life on the new island.It is winter and very cold but that doesn't usually daunt me. On the contrary.I think the move and then the busted love affair,which gave me such a trauma that my son almost was afraid of me because I was so confused I scolded him and this I never ever do because he is such a wonderful child. Enough to kill anyone.
I am afraid.
If I could forget about maliciousness and feeling used and abandoned, I am sure that I would feel much better. But I am angry.And I don't have much lust for life left after all these years with too many stupid people mucking with MY life and my sons lives too.You see my teeanage son's father died a little more than a year ago.An accident, a medical one.Shit.
I want to enjoy my son's company.I don't want to leave him.When his father died my son said that he would be so sad if were to die.He had little contact with his father but he and I have always been happy together until Mr just up and left.
Too bad so sad.
I think it was too tiring an affair and I know why.Because we travelled half the country to see each other and such an extra effort I made to make his friend and he comfortable.
I am such an ass.Wanting to make others feel comfortable and pleasing them. But it pleases me. Not now because it made me ill.You gotta take care of yourself first.Then come others.