The Ones That Got Away

Occasionally you search for them,
in obscure departments of foreign universities.
This is where they've ended up,
or doing something daring with canoes.

You long for the ones that missed you
by a hair's breadth, long most for the one
who won't forgive you. Anger crackling
across the Atlantic washing up in waves
of back turned rage.

You search for mention of them
their papers, their endurances
and think of them tilting at the rim
of the Niagara Falls or steadily paddling
up the Nile, alert for danger.

Sometimes you stutter in your sleep
wondering how they could resist, how dare they
go away and make their lives,
with pens, with paddles.
It baffles you.