Duet

Cherry

By Ewan

Tue, 18 Mar 2008
  • 2284 reads
4 comments
 

You’re funny (I’ve got money)
in a serious way (and I like to pay)
but I won’t laugh (at least my half)
at your jokes, (like all blokes)
in case you’re (to make sure)
thinking that (you think I’m)
I fancy you (respectful to)
as if - I mean- (your lacquered sheen)
that's masochism. (of feminism.)

Certificate U
Poem
The Long and the Short of It...
Romance

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on
I like it. Very good. Only bit I didn't get was 'it's not ageism' right at the end, but that could just be me...

 

Submitted by Ewan on
I think it is a little awkward too... how do you imagine the two people?

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by onemorething on
Tentative, unsure, first date perhaps. Maybe masochism is a darker and more fitting word than ageism???! 'as if - I mean (your lacquered sheen) this is masochism (of feminism.)' I'm starting to think it's not the done thing on here to make overt suggestions though so consider it retracted if I've over commented!

 

Submitted by Ewan on
No, I welcome suggestions... not sure about scansion of it though (like I ever get it right :-)) 'that's masochism' ??? thanks for taking the time Ewan

Author Page at the 'Zon