Encounters

Only the bed betrayed their secrets In its crumpled sheets and the smear Of her lips on the pillows. I love this image. Not too sure about the last two lines, seem too obvious, somehow, but not sure what to put instead...?

This is really excellent. I love how it reads, very gentle and sad. I like the last two lines...just to be difficult.

I really like this, its full of great lines and ideas, and attains a nice depth at the end. I don't have a problem with the last two lines but Jennifer's comment got me thinking and I couldn't resist suggesting "Trying hard to impress a meaning into the cold sheets of his heart" just a cheap metaphor :) but as I say I really like it as it is.

"In the morning she was gone from him Leaving soft traces of sleep On his cheeks." This invokes a lovely image and fits well with the last three lines of the stanza. Very nice...

I think it's just too obvious in both wording and meaning: Trying hard to press a meaning To the cold seeping into his heart. He's not really trying, is he? He's in denial. I like keleph's 'sheets of his heart' suggestion because it continues the bed theme and turns it into a more metaphorical poem. Hoping one (of the women, that is) would press a meaning / Into the cold sheets of his heart. That could also be read as 'press' as in ironing, going with the crumpled sheets image - thereby the crumpled nature of the sheets becomes a metaphor for the state of his heart, etc, etc. I think I might be procrastinating and also trying to be too clever.

is enjoying the debate and has a suggestion to make, in the spirit of less is more: 'And he moved between them all, The cold seeping into his heart.'

And now it gets a cherry!

She's my cherry pie, la la la la etc etc Now you've made me hungry, well done on the cherries and the record number of comments ever, is it?