Writing Home
By MistakenMagic
Wed, 28 Jan 2009
- 3536 reads
12 comments
It stands to attention
like a redcoat,
lost in self-importance.
I curse it!
Just another whore in a red dress
on any street corner.
Its eyes follow me
as I walk past,
accusing me with its stupid flat head!
It says, “I am waiting.
I know you hear
that empty rumble of my belly.”
Finally, I give in.
Try to shove the letter
into its anxious mouth.
But the envelope
is bloated with anger
and hangs like a cow’s fat tongue.
In frustration I stamp the letter
into the grass until
I can no longer hear its screams.
The address slides in a black web
over the white … hollow words
scuttle away like spiders.
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Comments
Wow,Magic!what an
Permalink Submitted by tamara on
Wow,Magic!what an intelligent,original approach!
Some lovely lines here and a fabulous build up to a smashing finale,
'The address slides in a black web
over white ... hollow words
scuttle away like spiders.'
I actually have experienced this scenario when posting certain letters!Fabulous work.x
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This is superb. Really
This is superb. Really superb. Possibly one of your best?
I especially loved the cleverness of the phrasing ofL
'But the envelope
is bloated with anger
and hangs like a cow’s fat tongue.'
The emotion is captured perfectly and the use of figurative language is also excellent.
J x
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Oh, thank you! I think the
Oh, thank you! I think the simplicity of the structure also adds to it.
And don't worry - I have always found that my writing fluctuates, and that sometimes, for a while, it just doesn't 'come'. You may have noticed I didn't post at all over Christmas...this is not because I was busy, I just didn't/couldn't write for a while! (And if I did, it wasn't good enough to post!)
J x
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This is great Magic! Very
Permalink Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
This is great Magic! Very clever.
Chris X
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Further to Jen's comments
Further to Jen's comments (and your own above) I have so little idea of the value of what I produce that unless it is really, really poor I just post it anyway. Most likely that shows. Often what doesn't work is more informative than what does.
Lovely, sneaky, clever poem above by the way.
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Dear sweet seventeen. What a
Permalink Submitted by luigi_pagano on
Dear sweet seventeen. What a lovely poem, imbued with original lines. Yes, I too would class it among your best. This is reflected by the fact it has been cherried and I notice that you are harvesting quite a few. Well done.
Luigi xxx
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Magic - what else is there
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Magic - what else is there left to say. It has all been said and I agree with every word. Certainly one of your best, in your own inimitable style. Keep on wowing us, please:-)
Tina xxx
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