Selfishness

This is what I wanted, though I don't believe it now
I prayed for it, cried, begged and pleaded for it
Turns out I'm so blind I barely noticed your smile
Maybe I’ve been struck dumb by this sickness
Maybe I’m so selfish that I forgot to care anymore

“Please, God, even just for a day
Take my happiness
Take my joy
Take my heart and remind him
How it feels to be alive.”

* * *

Look at her, creature of darkness
Refusing light back into her life
She made me better, now she wants the praise,
The attention. I told her I owe her this past month
But she wants so much more, she wants too much
And I can’t be the one to give it to her.
I won’t be the one who helps her

* * *

Will you take it? My beating heart
And the warmth of my blood.
If I give you my whole life will you be happy?
Give my love to you, whatever is left
And sacrifice myself and the rest
My one unselfish act before blasphemy once more
Maybe I’m not as nice as I thought.