You Always Called Me Kid

Some days I wonder if you even know what love is. Some days I wonder if you could stand peering at a reflection. Chapter 1, the first step, a prologue, a beginning, a start. That's where we'll blast off, that's where we'll kick away from the ground. At least, that's where I wish we were. We once were. It was perfect, even if it wasn't love, it was definitely something special. It was an experiment, but I wouldn't necessarily say you were a toy. You were a grand friend, no wait.. you're more than that. You always were. And there's a gut feeling letting me know that you aren't reading this. You probably haven't read anything of mine.

Like Relient K says, if I tear open my mouth, it'll just be to bite my tongue. I'm still tiptoeing around mines for you. I don't have any clue why I still feel the need to impress you. I want you to talk to me, I'd be happy if you just stared at me for a second in which I'm frozen. You shouldn't shuffle so nervously, for it should be me who should be cowering in his boots. You've always done that to me, made me nervous. I wasn't sure if it was a bad thing or not. There never was a time when I couldn't remember your face, you were always like that to me. For as distant as I can recall, you've always looked relatively the same.

Do you realize that I can't even listen to the Christmas Song without crying anymore? In fact, I cried last night, because of YOU. Every time I open my mouth around you, the words come out so... plain stupid. For lack of a better word. It seems like I CAN'T make you smile anymore. Just today, you called me "dude". You never called me dude. You always called me kid. Or freshman. Something. I wrote the words down for you, plain to see, and you shrugged it.

I remember, the slush lay gently upon the ground, and the white vicinity engulfed us, a snowball fight broke out. I remember throwing it across the street and it hit you in the face. You loosely recall. It wasn't so long ago. I remember bare feet, jumping over tables, old houses, rather large sweaters, the rain, cliche trips to the market. You were there. And for a time, you were the only one there. Do you remember that? If you're reading this, I hope you know its about you.

I always unsure of us. Sometimes I made excuses, and I've done a lot of things, and said much that I regret. It reminds me of warm ups in the cold, silent bus rides home, and late night walks by the park. What happened? Was it me? Of course it was me, but there's nothing I can change now. I honestly screwed us up. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I just want you to know I'm sorry.

I still think about the days where I needed to come over and take a break, and we'd lie there as you gossip of those you know. I'd listen, nod, and comment on the things I found interesting. You'd make me noodles, and we would listen to the music that was blaring on the T.V.

You were an escape, and more importantly, you were a real help. You smile complimented mine, because after I met you, you changed one of many facts about me: I now like my smile. You're a dreamer, you're creative I've always seen these colors you're portraying for everyone to see. You make it obvious. You're likable. And I'm grown now, I make my own decisions, and I don't think everything is about me anymore. I'm no longer selfish, and I wish I was still Kid. You always called me Kid.