panic stricken

when a friend that you consider to be closer to you than a blood relative
leaves your general area of comfort
it can
split you in
two---
if at the right time in your life
(when the whole world seems like it is caving in on
what you have left)
everything
begins
to break apart &
your dear friend,
seeking their own peace & happiness in their own life,
moves away from your comfort zone,
so that the literal distance couples with the
actual emotional distance,
with trembling hands reaching out,
age can claw at your eyes
tearing your face in half
because
you cannot stand in their way
but then you cannot bear to see them go &
no paper bag will help with the breathing
no pills can soothe the
hurt that comes from pure, unadulterated,
selfishness---
biting nails
peeling blood from the bone
biting the bone &
bleeding to death in your
apartment…
with flickering eyes of near death
you realize just how dependent you were on another &
how much it took from you to
care.