Hope.

Do you ever get that feeling that someone is watching over you? That, that one person is there to save you? They may not even know it but you can sense it, and you feel safe when you are around them. I saw a film once; they wanted us to believe that guardian angels were living among us, that there was one special person or being that was there for you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think it’s you. You are mine. You don’t know it, you would never think it, but please, believe me.

I think it’s time for me to go, either far away from here or to heaven. Hope is gone. Hope is all you have. You can hope for a better life, for money, love, fame, family, friends…to succeed in all your dreams. It keeps you going. When times are hard, when the hole wants to swallow you up, when it crushes you, crushes your aspirations, when it spits you out onto the street, when it’s cold and wet, when there is no one to wipe your tears. There is always hope.

But I think my hope, hovering above my head, shining bright in this darkened cave, I think my hope has gone out.

It is time for me to search for new hope, but is this in my life now, or the next?

I thought I found it last week. I was alone. Walking the street, the sky was as black as a stormy sea, waves crashing against houses that engulfed me, suppressing my thoughts, my ideas, and my logic. I saw a tiny blink of light and I ran. I ran towards the hope. My heart beat with inspiration. But I couldn’t reach it, I cried out as I was held back, long talons piercing my skin, taunting my need for pain, for blood. I screamed to the hope, I fell to my knees and let the sea cover my body, let the water fill my lungs. I was still, I didn’t fight. I allowed myself to drown.
My body floated under water, moving as if dancing to the silence. I felt free, I had given up, let myself speak to the inevitable. I let it win.

I am writing this because I don’t want you to give up, I want you to fight, and I want you to win. That night when we spoke, you showed me that the waves were lapping above your head. You were still afloat but you were close to drowning. The hope didn’t shine so brightly anymore. I cried for you, I cried because you are special and because you need to pass your hope on.

I don’t know if I believe in guardian angels, but I’m going to try and be yours as I believed you were mine.