Blue

Cherry

By celticman

Fri, 15 Nov 2013
  • 1443 reads
11 comments
 

Reivers wrangle the clots of clouds

Dark dark the water goes

Where it goes nobody knows

It wheels drunken left and right

Falls out of sight

Patch of glow

Piece of night

Cool, cool the water flows

Beneath your feet the surface blows

Lifting it up. Letting you fall.

Regaining light, the buoy to the right

Women shaped cloth of cowl

Proud look and broken shrouds

Mercy to God

That’s what they say

Hear me now

Lend me this day

Broken up, comes a sigh

Little angels filled with why

Dance, dance the water’s cry

Feel your feet become one

Free where it all begun.

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

Ever so slightly beautiful.

The last two lines need more syllables for balance. 

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

A dreamy feel to this. I would like to hear you read it out loud       Elsie

Submitted by celticman on

thanks vera, it's more a thinking out loud thing. It's not really poetry. Syllables do matter. Form matters. But sometimes all that matters is what you can get away with.

cheers elsie, but I'm not a good reader (well out loud anyway).

 

Submitted by Bee on

I enjoyed the musical movement in this - like waves. It is dreamy. 

Bee

Submitted by celticman on

thanks Bee that's the effect I was hoping for.

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

I always get excited when I see you've posted a not-a-poem. 

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Tell you the things I liked the most - the word 'reivers' at the beginnning, partly because I'm not 100% sure what it means but what a sliding in word to start with. Also the repeat in 'dark dark the water goes' and 'cool cool...'. Let's not worry about what a poem is  but if it puts a picture in you head like this and throws up great sounds it works for me!

 

Submitted by celticman on

reivers are old Scottish cattle rustlers. I was trying to bag that idea of wrestling with billowing sails and clouds. glad you like it catherine

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Methinks you're one of those poets - didn't know it;-) 

Tina

 

Submitted by celticman on

Tina, you're a poet. I'm a waffler. but thans anyway.

 

Submitted by celticman on

prose is my metier, but poetry is fair-fair. I didn't actually know this was one of mine and had to look because it was so long ago. thanks harpie.