Leggings -All on a summer's morning...

Dame Warty and her son were awaiting news from their sources on the balcony as they feigned royalty and practiced their individual royal waves - to the waiting multitudes of devotees.  All suffering members of our community.  The cauldron was full of slips of papers.

 

Brown Owl was in charge.  "Anyone got anymore names for me?" she bellowed brightly, "I mean of names of the scum of our society?  We are to get rid of them by any means possible!"

A young man stepped up, "I'm feeding the crocodile," he whimpered, "That's what he said to feed it with.  I'm a bit short on what the scum is..."

"Might be you!" cracked one of the witches weirdly.  "You were scum enough to take the job!"

Applause!  It was being televised rapidly to affected televisions.

"Now people, now!" shrieked Brown Owl enthusiastically, "Remember the croc likes the bigger ones!"

"That's enough to scare all Norfolk!" said one of the witches seriously, "The films make good money though!"

"Places please!" shrieked Evenly, "Lets get on with it, we need a good welcoming force with which to show how popular we are!"

"You'll be more popular when you've left for Southhambum!" 

"Yeah!  The share out!"

"Welcome Dame Warty!"  in chorus!  "The mother of corruption!"

"No, not that way!" sobbed Dame Warty, "Be friendly, cheer!"

A pause for this unusual thought. "The scum way?"

"Yes," said Dame Warty firmly,  "Do it human!"

 

Silence.

 

"Now!" shrieked Evenly.

Cheering began!

 

Loud buzzing spoilt the show.  It was a solitary helicopter at 9 a.m..  From afar, Pearl from Ealing, called in, "Who's that?"

Dame Warty started her hysterics, "Always ruins my show!" she loudly sobbed.  "People are waiting for me or my son to be named for the Duchy of Southhampun!"

"Yeah!" agreed her son evenly, "Full of people like us down there, first place for an even spread...and if there isn't we'll make sure there is..."

"And anyone who doesn't join in," said Dame Warty, "Will suffer!"

 

A man's voice spiraled down from the helicopter, hard, angry.  "Where is Rosalind? he yelled.

Brown Owl piped up, "I'm Rosalind!"

Dame Warty shrieked, "I'm Rosalind!"

Her Son Evenly, "My dad's really Rosalind, she changed sex!"

 

"None of you are Rosalind," the helicopter man replied, "You stopped me from seeing her!"

Brown Owl sighed, "Tell you the truth," she said, "She's dying.  At the weekend she's too tired out to see anyone!"

Dame Warty nodded solemnly, "Yes, that is why they said it could be me!"

Evenly held her hand and nodded.  

 

The helicopter continued to circle about for some time and his yelling awoke me properly.

Pearl from Ealing, shrieked, "She ain't really dying!  That's so last year!"

"Don't say that!" sobbed Dame Warty, "This is my big chance!"

"I thought our big chance was to go sort out a problem for Southhampun!" remarked Evenly.

"We will," she said holding onto his hand firmly, "After we get married!"

 

"Good idea," said Brown Owl, "I could do a wedding!"