Election Aftermath

I missed my train this morning. It was my first day on the job. I sprinted to the station, just in time to watch it leave. Before I got to the bottom of the stairs, I thought the roaring I was hearing were that of the train pulling up. Finally, I thought, something was going right for me. Somehow, even though I slept too late, even though the night before threw me in a state of hopelessness and disarray, the Gods stepped in and decided today was my day to get back into the swing of things. To right some wrongs. Maybe I should be more optimistic about the world, I decided. Maybe, life could be good. But alas, milliseconds later, I waved goodbye to the departing train that held my future in it’s hands. The first day of Trump’s predicted presidency and he’s already ruining lives.  

It’s 11:50am on a Wednesday, the day after election night. Yesterday, ignoring the pit in my stomach, I voted for Hillary Clinton to take over. I believe in nothing she’s said; just a fake republican who’s as corrupt as the rest. But I pushed my morals aside for a couple minutes out of fear. Fear that he had a chance. That he had enough supporters to make his threats a reality. That he, president-elect Donald Trump, could be a real contender. Last night was the worst night of my life.

It’s 11:53am on a Wednesday, the day after election night. Seven minutes until I’m officially late for my first day of work, with still a half hour commute ahead of me. I knew I should have gone to bed earlier last night, but every time I closed my eyes I saw him. I saw my fellow activists and I banding together, protesting, working as hard as we could to make people realize what they’d done, and I saw him laughing at our efforts as he squashed us like bugs. I saw his face standing in front of a flag I never really believed in anyways, smirking at us. Letting us know how hopeless our efforts were. Making sure we knew there was no escape.

It’s 12:00pm. I’m trying to think of excuses to get out of my tardiness. Did I think I was supposed to be there at 12:30? Can I mention the election? Will it be too polarizing to say I’m terrified by the man who has the power to destroy everything we’ve worked for? That I couldn’t sleep when the prospect of my rights being stripped away was becoming an all too real reality? Or will the white middle-aged manager I’m meeting believe it’s just a different of opinions between me and a man who knows how to speak his mind? It’s my first day at work and already I’m feeling compelled to drop all sense of my identity and morality so I can earn an unlivable wage.

I’m sitting on the train, being lead to unemployment, and I don’t even know what stop I’m at. I don’t know if I care anymore. I feel defeated. I know me being late doesn’t really have anything to do with Trump, but I can’t help but blame him. I know I partly need a scapegoat because who the hell is late to work their first day? But more than that, I can feel his presence changing this country. There’s a sense of entitlement and racism in the air that I just can’t shake. Not only did he come out on top, he’s uncovered all the others like him who helped him get there. No longer is being ignorant an embarrassing thing; hatred is now the unabashed majority. I’ve been a minority all my life, but I thought I lived in a time where we could fight the discrimination. Now, Trump has made it clear we can’t.
I’m not sure where to go from here. Maybe, we get lucky, and he’s assassinated before January. Maybe we get lucky and enough people are assassinated to put a democrat back in office. Maybe the greater universe is actually rooting for us and only Jill Stein is left to lead us to a better tomorrow. But I’m not sure the greater universe gives a shit about our lives.

I want to end this by saying we need to fight it. That there are enough of us to protest and make a difference, and we can’t just give up! We need to all come together, show our unity, hold hands and sing songs about love until he melts away like the wicked witch. He’s the boss at the end of a video game; the giant, orange, troll faced villain we need to defeat before our happily ever after. But in video games, the boss doesn’t usually have this many minions. I want to believe there’s a way out of this, but there’s nothing that’s telling me it’ll end at him. Give me reasons to be optimistic. Please, help me see a way out of this. I’m not surrendering, but I can’t fight anymore. All I can do is hope for a miracle and watch as bigotry consumes us.