My homework

I was given a list of words I had to use in a story as homework…. Here it is enjoy.

It must be coming to that time of year again seeing as you’ve gone and set us some devilish homework. Well I’ve looked at it, and once again I feel I’ve got to turn it in its head to make something of it, so you can start doing a war dance or tearing your hair out now. 

Core Blimey or Bless my soul, having read your list of words and sayings and thought long and hard. (Possibly five or so minutes, before I came around to thinking.... I ought to give up without trying. But then a feeling came over me that if I turned it on its head, well I might make something of it. So I looked it over it once more, and eventually I decided I would, I could and I will, ha ha, so I have made a start with, and I have to say that even to me as I started, I felt it would be totally inconceivable for me to write something like a story of eight hundred or so words and include all of your words in it, some yes, but damn it, all of them. Well Blimey or even Bless my soul, here I go with my attempt to find some sensible way of saying all these words in a meaning full and semi intelligent way, starting with sayings like.   

Well Christ Almighty…. Or for Christ’s sake, how do you manage to say that without shouting it out, or then there is a nonsensical something like Christ on a bicycle, which is total nonsense, because gosh darn it, as far as I know, he never had a Dandy horse let alone a bicycle, bicycles not being available from Halfords for another two thousand years. Yes a donkey may be, but a bicycle….no. And as for….Oh my Dear Lord, or good heavens, well that’s something I’ve been sat here thinking, while I’m having to put all this drivel down on to paper.

Wow, Now I have to say it; I think I’ve got something going here other than drivel, what with my various exclamations of.  Goodness gracious, and my heavens, along with that other one, Holy Crap. I find that somehow I’ve managed the first two paragraphs and a bit more, and I think I’m still making sense….of a sort.  So what the heck, lets carry on regardless and shoot anyone who says Oh my dear God or even Oh Dear. As it’s my words, it’s all being put in, and as I’m writing this, and if hells bells start ringing for you, you might as well get down on your knees and pray to Sweet Mary Mother of Christ, or if you prefer it to. Holy Mary Mother of God. It all depends on your religion….and me. Well I would just say Good grief, and that’s all dependent on how conceivable or inconceivable it was. As for, Oh for heaven’s sake, or bless my soul, or my goodness that would possibly be something my mother would have said when we put a foot wrong, or came home late for our meal, or possibly looking as if we had been up a chimney, or even down a coal mine, and that’s not to mention having fallen on numerous times in to the river, and suffered the indignity of being thrown back out by the river, and that brings us to Uncle Remus along with his deep south accent saying…. Mercy sakes.

Now I’m sorry to say we have come to the comic book stage, and that is with. ‘Man oh man, Gee, Holy sh.t, Gadzooks and Gosh darn it,’ all of this I can remember coming directly out of DC Comics, Batman Superman and others. And as for Oh My God (OMG) and Oh Boy ??? TV again. well I’ll leave that up to you to look at the historical TV channels.

Well I may not have reached your hoped for word count, but I think I have reached mine and all I can say now is, I hope your hair will have grown back before you start our lessons.