In a World Gone Mad: Thursday 14 May 2020

Andy moved in with us and I told him and Belle to pass the message on to their mum that she would be welcome to visit Andy anytime. The first time, she came with Janet in support, the second, the whole mob of them arrived. They never stayed long and took Andy out for a meal. It’s my house and the first time, I insisted that I was opening the door to them. I’m not hiding away in my home. The second time Belle was with them, so they walked in. Belle and Ocean and I are long past the point of door knocking. Both meetings were stiff and awkward, but okay.

The only thing that jolted my jealousy button was, the first time. We were sitting in the lounge using petting the animals as a, keep it nice and avoid eye contact, blanket. There was only four of us, Max, and I on one side and Annie and Janet on the other. They were discussing where to eat. Max didn’t even think about it.

‘There’s a great tapas Restaurant in town, why don’t you go there? You love tapas.’

And they remembered—or at least, in my twisted mind they did. Annie of the great and loud sex on one side, and me with the female equivalent of, can’t get it up, on the other.

Yesterday was the third time they’ve been. We’re in lockdown so the pattern of coming in for five minutes to be polite and taking Andy out to eat wasn’t an option, all the restaurants are closed.

‘I’d like to cook for everybody, Max. Is there anything Annie doesn’t eat?’

‘Are you serious? I told you in the early days, I will not sit at a table with that woman.’

‘Oh, okay.’

They came and we had the madness of settling everybody in the garden, with dog and cat and lizard and Arthur, and getting chairs and making brews. They were discussing food and where they could get takeaway to eat in the car.

‘You’d be more than welcome to stay for dinner.’

Well, it was polite, they are guests in my home, and I couldn’t help myself.

Annie said that she had to get back for a Tesco delivery at seven—but she seemed disappointed, we agreed that we’d do something next time. It looked genuine enough and she was friendly. Max told me not to be fooled, she never has a good word for anybody and has more faces than a fancy-dress party.

They sat for half an hour when they came and two hours when they got back from their walk—I could have cooked. During the three visits, I haven’t caught one unpleasant look, there hasn’t been a single pointed remark and although it’s awkward, things are loosening. History aside, I like the woman.

We went to Pam’s this afternoon.

I’ve been impressed with Andy the last couple of weeks.  He still locks away in his room for twenty-three hours a day, but he’s stepped up and helps with Granddad. At twenty-three, his last girlfriend was older than him. She was brash and very loud, and we didn’t take to her, but she matured him. He’s grown up a lot in the ten months he’s lived here.

Andy and Arthur have their moments, as do I, but for the most part he’s patient with him.  Yesterday at six in the morning they had a row. Arthur rearranged the bathroom. He banged and clattered and made a hell of a noise.

‘Granddad, what are you doing? It’s six in the morning and we’re trying to sleep.’

‘Who are you? What are you doing in my house?’

‘Grandad, please stop making so much noise. You’ve been in and out of the bathroom all night and it’s every day.’

‘Who do you think you’re talking to?’

‘All I’m asking is that you go back to bed, please. It’s too early to get up. Please Granddad’

Arthur wandered off shaking his head and flinging his hands before it got too heated.

I gave Andy the thumbs up from the bottom of the stairs, to let him know I was there.

I worked a solid nine hours yesterday and it was still only one in the afternoon. Despite the lack of sleep, I’m loving these long days.

We were going to take Arthur to Arnside with us, but Andy said he’d be fine with him.  I jumped at the chance of going with Max and getting some alone time with him.  Anything could have happened; we were an hour away and it was so irresponsible—but I did it.

We had a lovely afternoon. If I hadn’t been so damned tired it would have been great.  The drive along Morecambe Bay is breath-taking. We walked the dog in the woods and didn’t see another human being. I suggested finding somewhere secluded to make love, Max turned me down—I was glad.

With the dog calm after a run, we found Pam’s house.

Max went in first to introduce himself. Pam was still in bed and it must have been a shock to her. The door was unlocked despite there being a key safe. He knocked and waited for about five minutes before going I the house. Pam was in bed and Max told me, ‘Flipping Heck, I thought it was a skeleton in the bed.’

There is nothing to Pam, she’s tiny and a bag od bones. She was an absolute darling—but I’m not fooled, remember, there is no such thing as a sweet old lady.

Before he went in the house, Max got me. I was worried about leaving Teagan in the car because it was warm, but she was fine.

I had a huge burst of pride for Max. He is so good with people. Officially, he is the oldest Lifeguard in England. That is his job title and meagre pay grade—but he does all the maintenance and health and safety for a hotel, predominantly for the blind in the Lakes. He is used to dealing with elderly and disabled people.

He woke her gently.

‘Hello my darling, it’s Max, Joan’s son. We’ve just come to see that you’re okay. Joan was worried with not seeing you for a while, darling.’

He was so loving and warm with her.

We could have been anybody, she hadn’t a clue who we were, and we were able to walk into her house.  She was delighted to see us and grateful and kept thanking us and offering us money a hundred times.

‘I’m alright for money, I am, darling, I’m loaded. You keep your money safe, darling.’

He joked with her and kept calling her darling to make her easy with him.  He made her a cup of tea. And I did her a small ‘plate’ with a sandwich, ham with cheese to get as many calories into her as possible, a cake and two fingers of a Kit Kat. The bread was that round slimming bread that makes the tiniest sandwich in the world. I put it on a saucer so that it didn’t look too much and outface her and put a Fortisip beside her bed.

‘I can’t eat all that, dear.’

‘You don’t have to, lovely.  Just keep it beside you and it’s there to pick at when you want it.’

Max showed her pictures on his phone of the dog, cat, and lizard. She insisted on bringing the dog in to see her. I was worried, Teagan is still young and excitable, and I was scared she’d jump on Pam and break her.

But Teagan knew.

She couldn’t have been better behaved. She sat nicely beside the bed, didn’t try to jump up once and Pam was so happy to have a dog to stroke. We allowed her to feed Teagan a quarter of her sandwich because she wouldn’t shut up about it.  Never mind all her confusion around Arthur and being told not to beg. The morsel Teagan had wouldn’t fill her canine and she looked at me with an, ‘is that it,’ face.

Pam’s home is beautiful. The place was immaculate and filled with more ornaments than I thought Teagan would be able to void. She was such a good girl. The visit made the old lady’s day. She clearly had dementia and we had the loop, but she was nowhere near as Bad as Arthur.

I am impressed with the care that she’s receiving.  I only had two problems. The door was open, and anybody could walk in. However, Pam is mobile, and I don’t think it’s down to the carers. A carer would never leave a front door open when there is a key safe. I think Pam unlocked it herself. But we’ve reported it to Joan and asked her to ring the agency and ask them to ensure that the door is locked at all times. There’s noting they can do if Pam is unlocking it between visits.  The other thing is that, despite being in date, her milk was sour.  I don’t think this was the carer’s fault either and for all we know they might have been bringing a bottle on their next call. I think Pam must have left it out in the sun at some point—however the carers should have noticed and thrown it away. Other than those two things I can’t fault them.

I read her care notes, and everything was documented correctly. The home was spotless and very beautiful. Nothing in the fridge was labelled, which is something I always made my carers do with an opened date and a throw away date. However, every item was in date. There wasn’t much in the fridge, but it was typical of what I’d expect, three packs of cooked meat, a tub of pate, butter, fresh orange, and a couple of pot desserts. Her cupboards were well stocked. She had plenty of tins, jam, and treats. Her freezer was filled with, company delivered ready meals. I was impressed.

We went to the shop and bought her milk and when we got back she had the money ready and we had to go through the rigmarole of refusing it again.

‘It’s only a bottle of milk, love, I’m not bothered about that. You put it back in your box and keep it safe.’

‘Will you come and see me again, dear?’

‘Of course, we will love.’

Max brought it up on the way home.

‘What did you say that for?’

‘Because we made her day and she asked us to.’

‘Jesus.’

I have another book. I’m so happy. That’s three to edit for other people. One for Paul, one for another friend and one from the company. Doing writing related stuff and having my diary ‘therapy sessions’ locked in my office are all that’s keeping me sane. I love being backlogged and feeling the pressure to get them done. I work best on tight deadlines.

I sent the football book back to Jimmy yesterday but haven’t heard anything from him. That’s worrying.   His was no ordinary book, it was an almanac. He and Max are lifelong friends and that’s tight, but I hope he hasn’t fallen out with me. I really let him down.

And I have an amendment to an earlier entry. I was talking about Arthur walking the Great Wall of China. I knew the length in kilometres and did a conversion on the internet. I did something wrong and added an extra nought or ten—it came out at 136,000 miles. I thought that was a lot. In an online quiz yesterday, it came up as a question. The Great Wall of China is 13,000 miles—oh, is that all, Arthur would walk that in no time. If I send him now, he’ll be back by dinner.  

When we got home, Andy said Arthur was confused but hadn’t been a problem. He a puppy with separation anxiety.

We were out just less than three hours.

‘Oh, I’m so glad you’ve come. I haven’t seen anybody for weeks.’

The biscuit tin was empty.

‘Arthur, we’ve only been out a couple of hours. We were with you all morning.’

‘I live here on my own and I never see anybody, nobody comes to visit me. I’m all on my own and nobody cares about me.’

Like Max said…Jesus.

It's Friday Morning and last night--I slept.