Gaze, I

 

Gaze, I

 

As I recollect,

past I resurrect

to my very best

the days, happiest

in 75  years of my life

of struggle and strife

besides pains of pleasure

caused by time, the robber

often being too cruel in its robbery

wiping out one’s memory

but out of mercy by the time

some stay live to chime.

Believe it, you, or not

remember, events, I a lot

since my crawling days

that in me always blaze

Remember with nostalgia

my mom’s visit to her mama.

Enjoyed it,, on three occasions

once alone without completions

in Sawari with her alone went I

but later with siblings I could not vie.

once with her and a baby brother

once accompanied her  on shoulder

as with her ware my siblings' younger

against my wishes, with malice to two

By tempting offers I left it, to be true.

Twelve kilometers of the rural path to cover

with small forests, drains, and a river

by a Sawari or carried over the shoulder

a convoy led in a  grand manner

accompanied by loads of  sweets

fruits etc to dazzle men on the streets..

Always in the evening starts the journey

to avoid the sun and for them, time free.

who carry the Sawari, gift - loads, and light

in front and back of Sawari to align-right

and to dwellers, of passing villages’ spite

and to mom’s village, the pride to cite.

Lights forced animals to run to hide

while on,  the shoulder, the bearer was my guide

to identify them one by one to me

out of fear whom I hardly could see

Wondered at the animals’ plight

whom, I feared, running out of sight

while crossing a mango grove on the shoulder

reminded me of ghost ghouls there hover

clung him for life despite the presence of many

crying for mother, now looks to me funny

On a boat or on foot used to cross a river

thereon with thrills of Swari or shoulder

Enjoyed I, all with frightening fear

overcame them, mom being near

then mum was the most powerful to me

every protection could provide, she.

Her lap her arms were my hiding place

no access there even to ghost ghouls’ race.

To mitigate the burden of labor

sing they songs, then bearrs author

over the path, its profile

over  a co-bearer's hairstyle

over a crossing jackal  or mongoose

nothing at sight their songs lose

vibrate those vibrant still in me

no book containing them I could see.

.

At mom’s village outskirt

assembled ladies, dressed smartly

to receive their niece and sister

who had left them years earlier

to make her family and home of own

in a clan what was to her unknown

after marriage in a distant place

nurturing, growing up in an alien race.

Years back she was sent to her in- law

to their pride her success, they saw.

Observed  they the gift loads with her came

by next dawn, those would be given to them

and commented on the clan of  in-. laws

but my dada’s mom never left any flaws

From then and there I turned to be a toy

snatched from my mom to their joy

from one arm to another with lorries

chocolates, toys, me some did tease

enjoyed I from then onward my stay

my age-mates, granmas plenty to play

as an apple of the eye to every home there

I was treated over their children while in care.

By the time I had to depart to my dad

it was not shocking to me as a small lad

as the love of my village in me intensified

like my mom, on departure, I hardly cried

too interested my new toys to exhibit

and my longings for my own gambit.

“Hey time tell that I am jaded and old

but say always what above I told

once I  was a toast of a village, entire

none of the villagers then are not there

Gone are my mom her dad mom with you

also the frame of the villages is now alien, new

but save my memory sweet then ablaze

till my grave smilingly them I gaze.’

 

In the service oif Lord

P K Routray

 

( A palanquin is meant to carry mail members. A sawari is to carry ladies as called in our areas)