I Found the Sea

Cherry

By Jane Hyphen

Tue, 26 Sep 2023
  • 1153 reads
12 comments
 

 

On a long walk I found the sea

Blinding and expansive

I heard it, breaking up 

In the final fades

Of a drawn out song 

The strings of the forest 

Stopped talking

Drowned out by all that energy

And I can’t believe

I ever sang along

 

The water looked so warm

The mermaids were not shivering

And the moon was trusting

To let her diamonds fall beneath

As the waves played 

A drum roll of now or never

 

There are no dark corners here

It’s all the underworld

Lit by the unthinking turns

Of followed schools of fear

We listen to the echo booms

Of what was wrecked and sunk 

And still we tire ourselves

We swim against the tide

 

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Thanks for your comment Mark. Do you think And sounds better than We?

I have a chaotic approach to writing poetry. I don't know whether to punctuate or whether to include a twee little ending or just let the reader fall off the end. 

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I agree with Mark - beautiful imagery. Much enjoyed Jane, thank you!

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Thank you Insertsmiley

 

Submitted by celticman on

no dark corners in the sea. We bring them with us. 

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

We certainly do that. Thank you for reading.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

very glad you keep swimming against the tide! This is magnificent

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Hi Di. It's hard work though isn't it, I am getting cramp.

Thank you for reading.

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Jane,

that second stanza stood out, it conjured up such a beautiful scene for me:-

The Water looked so warm

The Mermaids were not shivering

And the moon was trusting

To let her diamonds fall beneath

As the waves played

A drum roll of now or never

 

You brought the scene to life for me and I loved what I was seeing.

Thank you for sharing.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Thank you Jenny for your feedback. It's lovely to hear that the poem created a scene in your mind.

 

Submitted by marandina on

"On a long walk I found the sea

Blinding and expansive.."

Beautiful imagery, for sure. An exposition filled with metaphors. The poem felt stoical yet sanguine. Enjoyed. Paul

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Hi Paul, thanks for reading and your lovely comment. 

 

Submitted by Kris on

And feel it...... Its beautifully expressed....

and the part that really moved me   ...

(There are no dark corners here, It’s all the underworld, Lit by the unthinking turns, Of followed schools of fear,We listen to the echo booms,Of what was wrecked and sunk ,And still we tire ourselves,We swim against the tide)

What I'm trying to express here Jane is; I live it, I see it, I feel it = in that world..... But I cant write it as you have done here with such eloquence, grace +++ i.e. visualize it in words for other readers and project it so they see it, feel it & live it..... Thank you*