My beautiful sad friend

CONTENT NOTE: references to suicidal thoughts

You told your parents that you can't end it
so long as they're alive
You wrote me that you are waiting
for your spark to reignite

My dear,
we are all waiting.

The world looks like it's going by
but we are all holding our breath
looking out for one of your smiles
not like the impatient audience of a show
rather with the focused preemptive awe
of those waiting for the Northern Lights

And I could tell you so many things
like how my favourite cup to drink
is from our Apocalyptica gig
or like how I think of you every day
when I'm outfit-watching on the train

But really all that these things come to
Is that I so amazingly love you
As much as I can love a person
no blood, ring, or oath ties me to,
and sometimes more.

I love you like the ducks in the park,
the leaves in the breeze, the artist at work.
Like everything that brings me joy
just because it exists and I pass it by,
Like everything that'd make my world grey
if I just suddenly lost it one day.

My sky is brighter, my steps are perkier
if I know you're singing to yourself somewhere
Even the pigeons on the sidewalk
lower their heads when you are sad
and not to feast.

That said...

I can't demand that you endure a storm 
as I watch from the comfort of my home
so instead of heaping on you my feelings
I'll sit next to you in silence
and keep hoping
and keep trusting
in your golden soul
and that all of our collective love
can be your umbrella and rubber boots
until you get to you bright, warm home.