Speechless

Friday morning, the last day of the first semester, and it's already
six-thirty; I'm late. This is the eighty-ninth day of my sophomore
year, and all I can think about is getting out into the real world,
although I have no idea what the real world is all about. Since the
alarm clock is screaming in my ear, all the way under my pillow, I know
I have to get up. It's a struggle that I have made for eleven years,
now, and I am still never ready for it.
The first thing I do, after putting on my pants, is call Mike to make
sure he has left his house. Mike, my best friend, is always late.
Today, for once, I'm late. I have just put my toothbrush in my mouth,
and he's blaring his horn. Ten minutes later, we are pulling out of the
driveway.
The beauty of the Earth is already showing itself. The clouds have
slept in, too, and the sun is just peeking through the trees.
"God, Mike, have you really ever just sat down and thought to
yourself, 'I really am lucky to be here?'"
"Naw, man, I just live my life. I do what I wanna do, You know?"
"Yeah, man, I know. You're a heathen. You don't care about things like
that." That was all we spoke the entire ride, some twenty minutes. I
guess I was just feeling the springtime in the air. There's that
certain smell that makes me feel love, makes me want to love, makes me
vulnerable to love.
Now at the school, from the parking lot, we walk together, but
separate, to our respective homerooms. As we enter through the doors,
we part. He goes down the hall to the right, and I start up the stairs.
At the top, I am met by Katie.
Katie Hughes. Ravishing, for a seventeen-year-old. Long, brown hair,
with highlights of blonde throughout. Skin so soft in appearance. I
look her up and down. White Nike's, white ankle socks, the most prefect
legs, denim shorts, shorter than they should be, and a white T-shirt,
tight enough to show what everyone else hasn't seen. Then I come to her
eyes.

A lighter shade of chocolate brown, they make me forget all of my
troubles, so soothing they are. But I can never get past her eyes. Like
a dam holding back millions of gallons of water, I am blocked. Her eyes
make her, to me, totally inapproachable. Others seem to have no
trouble, but they don't see just what I do. I see the most beautiful
woman in the world. I would give anything, do anything for her.
Then, she asked me, "You busy?"
"No, I'm just going to homeroom."
"What do you have first period?"
"Just study hall," I responded.
"Can you skip it?"
"I think so. Why? What's going on?"
"I just thought we could get a jump-start on getting the set
ready."
For the past three years, Katie and I were in the same Drama class
together. This year, she was starring in, and I was directing Cyrano de
Bergerac.
"Sure. That's a good idea; it is tomorrow, right?"
"Uh, no," she uttered, giggling a little. "Tonight, remember?"
"Yeah," I said, not really knowing for sure.
"Yes. It's tonight. Eight o'clock. Do you remember, now?"
Laughing nervously, I said, "Yeah, of course."
"K. Let's go."
"To the auditorium, right?" I asked.
"Yeah. You coming?"
"Give me, like, five minutes. I have to run to my locker for a
sec."
"I'll see you down there," She said, a little smile on her lips.

I don't think I ever walked any faster in my life. After reporting to
my homeroom teacher and telling him that I'd be in the auditorium, I
arrived downstairs, only to find darkness.
I opened the door, and scanned the darkness for a sign of life.
"That you?" she asked.
"Yeah, where are you? Why aren't the lights on?"
"I'm having trouble with the light board."
"Hold on, I'll be right there," I said, letting the heavy door slam
behind me. I walked slowly, almost silently, right up behind her. She
wasn't aware of me. I looked over her shoulder, and whispered,
"Everything all right?"
She jumped a little. "Maybe you can help me, instead of trying to
scare me."
"Sure, what's wrong?"
"Well, I flip the switch for center stage, and, watch, nothing." She
moves the light switch into the "on" position, "See, nothing."
"Yeah, I see. Go over and tell me what happens when I flip these other
two."
"O.k." She walks over to center stage, and looks up into the lights.
"You ready?" I ask. "Yep," she replies.

Flipping the first switch, B-13, I can hear the light board beginning
to hum. The first light begins to buzz. I reach for the second switch,
and press it in. At that moment, the three lights positioned over
center stage illuminate a table, which, now that I recall, shouldn't
have been there. And there she was, lying on the table, her arms behind
her, supporting her body, her head back, her gorgeous hair hanging so
gracefully. I watched her, and seeing the dust in the air, falling
gently on her face, thought to myself, "Oh, to be a single ray of light
falling from the sky so that I could touch her, just once...."
"Are you just going to stand there?" she inquired, sweetly. I knew
what it was; an invitation.
I made my way over. "What's going on?" I asked.
She swung around to face me, letting her legs hang over the edge of
the table. "There's something that I've wanted to say to you for a long
time, but I could never get up the nerve."
"I don't understand."
"Well," she began, and long pause to compose herself. "From the first
time I saw you, our freshman year, I've wanted you."
I was stunned. "I had no idea. You never left any clues, never gave me
any hints."
"I did, but I guess I was just too subtle." She looked down, then up
at me, looking into my very being. "So, how do you feel?"
"The same."
"Yeah?" she said, looking down, blushing a little. "Well," -she looked
up at me- what are you going to do about it?"
An uneasiness grows inside of me. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what do you want to do about it?"
Once again, I was stunned. Then, out of the blue, she leaned forward,
gently caressed the side of my face, pressing her lips to mine. Softly,
I reached up for her hand, and pulled from my face.
"Not like this," I said, quietly, not knowing for sure if I wanted to
stop. "You deserve so much more, more than I can give you. Not here,
not on a table. When I look at you, I see a woman that deserves only
the best, something that I could never give you."
"But," She interrupted, "that doesn't matter, now. Don't you want me
right now, like I want you?"
"More than anything," I replied, staring right into her eyes. "But, I
can't. I hope you understand."
We both had a lot of time to comprehend what was said, what had
happened. I could tell by the look on her face that she was absolutely
speechless, so I took her hand in mine and kissed it. Then, I looked
deep into her eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally knew
exactly what to say, but all I could do was turn around and walk
out.