Apart

By anakin.kit

Sat, 06 Feb 2016
  • 911 reads
2 comments
 

Your hands feel mine
I breathe
Again
Before death's
ordain.

Your eyes meet mine
I see
these dreams

again
Before death's
schemes.

Your lips touch mine
I live
A moment

again
Before death's 
Torment.
 
I live there

again
With you
Here
I die here
With you

never
There

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Your structure and short lines work well here. Effective. Not sure 'deaths ordain' works and shouldn't there be some apostrophes? The ending is strong though.

 

Submitted by anakin.kit on

yes, i agree,needs some apostrophes but deaths ordain...as in deaths command or rule which is to die or not breathe..