She was the lumberjack's wife
By andrew-evans
Wed, 10 Mar 2010
- 1298 reads
4 comments
She was the lumberjack's wife,
while he was out
she had many affairs,
all of which i could hear
from just upstairs,
all day they would stay,
thats excesive foreplay
for a hour of fun,
but when the work day was done
and she had had her fun,
she would cook and clean
before he came home.
But one night he came home ill
and stood in the door way, still,
as he watched his wife
taken from all sides
so he acted on impulse,
I could almost hear the blood
spray on the walls,
and all the screams
down the halls,
the police said
the axe split her skull in two
just like a peice of mountain yew
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Comments
Andrew, it's a good idea and
Andrew, it's a good idea and it works in part - but the scansion is all over the place. Read it out loud and you'll hear it.
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I presume that the last word
Permalink Submitted by Luly Whisper on
I presume that the last word in the first line of the second verse should be "ill" (poorly), not "I'll" (I will)!
This could be quite effective - maybe you should try writing it without rhymes, and concentrate on the rhythm.
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