Least of Gifts

By Ken Simm

Fri, 08 Feb 2008
  • 1088 reads
4 comments
 

You know when you think
I'll write for her
Something that will cry

A wondrous verse
that will reimburse
in streams across the sky

A missive yet
in ribbon set
round heartfelt feeling plunder

A creation which
with certain pitch
play crashing of its thunder

A shaft of warm
along and calm
to grab around a heart

In bound to her
all wanting there
all sense just come apart

In Daisy coloured
ribbon wondered
the least of all loves gifts

Peach ribboned love
winged above
feelings ever sift

Delight her all
Complete her fall
in lovesick many countered

That tied she'll be
Ne'er be free
though live her age now downward

But then you find
You play with rhyme
and words neglect their duty

Because all things
with broken wings
cannot reflect her beauty

Certificate U
Story
Crankwood
Love

Comments

Submitted by capoeiragem on
Really enjoyed this, it has a great flow. The images and rhymes are fresh and original and avoid ever becoming too contrived, loved the last two stanzas also, very powerful. The only thing I would say is that the last stanza might read better with an extra syllable in the first line, something like: 'because all these things with broken wings cannot reflect her beauty' This would fit better with the rhythm that you have developed throughout the course of the poem. Of course your intention may be to deliberately cut the flow of the piece short to increase the impact of the final few lines, in which case feel free to ignore me!

Submitted by Ken Simm on
Thank you very much for your comments on my effort. Much appreciated. I see what you mean about the last stanza but you were right about wanting to cut the flow at that point. That is why the penultimate verse talks about words neglecting duty. But thank you again for giving it so much thought. Ken

Submitted by Sooz006 on
Hi Ken, I too liked this one. Normally I find sing-song rhyming poetry as irritating as hell, flipping cat/mat syndrome. Just ocassionally I read one that doesn't grate on my nevers, these are usually humerous verses ... but thisone was the same. I was able to read and enjoy it without wanting to throw the lap top across the room.

 

Submitted by Ken Simm on
Glad it did not make you want to throw valuable equipment.