Dilemma (The)

The fear rose up inside me like a tumour. Starting at the pit of my
stomach it was now trying to expel itself from my mouth. If I screamed
surely everyone would know just by looking at me that I was a cowardy
custard. And the tumour like thing would be visable for all to
see.

I kept my mouth tight shut. Swallowing hard, pushing the fear back
down where I could control it. I gingerly made my way over to the edge
and looked down. If I went forward I would drown, no two ways about it.
I would be dead in five seconds. It was so high up. But I couldn't go
back now, not having come so far. If I went back the way I came the
shame would kill me. Besides I would cause such confusion and commotion
I would never live it down.

The cue built up behind me. There was no way out of it now. Everyone
urging me to jump and get it over with. I could sense their impatience.
Some little shit right at the back started screaming. "JUMP, JUMP" they
all joined in the chorus. "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!"

I could see my family standing on the other side willing me to make it.
Everyone else turned and looked at me. My worst nightmare had
materialised. Oh god how did I get myself here? There was no turning
back now.

I took my life in my hands and jumped. At first it felt like I was
flying. But I waited for the jolt that I knew was coming. It came as a
shock. Down, down I went right underneath almost touching the bottom.
The water was cold and I could feel my ears filling up. I kept my eyes
closed and tried not to panic. Seconds later I was at the surface. I
did it. I was still alive. Relief swept over me, rippling past me to
the edges of the pool.

My family clapped, strangers clapped. Realising that I had just
overcome the most terrifying experience of my life.

I looked back up at the diving board. Did I really do that? I asked
myself. I watched as the five and six year olds laughed, jumping in
behind me with no fear. They made it look so easy. But I knew I would
never do that again!