Portrait

By April

Tue, 22 Mar 2011
  • 1074 reads
3 comments
 

I'll paint your sweet portrait with tightly shut eyes
With pleasure whenever you ask.
Though hands ever shaking and colder than ice
Do find it a difficult task.

I'll cherish the portrait and hang it above
My empty not warm enough bed
To guard all the secrets of mystery love
And clear the mess in my head.

The mirror that's placed on the opposite wall
Will certainly add to its charm,
My room and your portrait will turn to one whole -
This place will incur no more harm.

Certificate U
Poem
2011
Romance

Comments

Submitted by celticman on
I think this is great.

 

Submitted by TVR on
April, I think this is so sensitive, tender and beautiful and if you are not given a cherry, then ABC editors are on another planet, but if you do get the cherries, my apologies to them. Good luck to you! sd

TVR

Submitted by Wolfsax on
Hi there April, As has been said, this is a lovely gentle piece that has apleasing rhyme scheme without being forced. If I may be permitted to make one little comment, which you are of course free to ignore, the flow works really well except for line 8 which feels to me as if it is one syllable short (only 7 against 8 in the other 2 stanzas) to fit the recurring pattern. This made me wonder about offering a suggestion that you add the extra syllable as follows: And clear out the mess in my head. Regardless of this I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece so thank you very much for sharing it here. All best wishes Dave Aim for the stars then if you fail you might still land on the moon, and that's not a bad second best.

Aim for the stars then if you fail you might still land on the moon, and that's not a bad second best.