I've prayed for the end

By Beeme

Tue, 15 Feb 2011
  • 1817 reads
10 comments
 

I've swam in rivers
turquoise- green
fished in streams
with darting light
brought down stars
with nets of ambition,

I've avoided fights
-hunted the chase
known my own heart.

Seen so much light
drowning out the sights
I couldn't bear to see.

I've found them;
let them touch my skin
watched them flutter away
longed for their return.

And every sunrise
I've prayed for the end
before I've been blessed
with the beginning.

Certificate U
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Hi there, Beeme. I like this;-) A tiny point. Stanza 3, last line, 'bare' needs to be 'bear'. Like, very much, 'brought down stars/with nets/ of ambition. Personally, I would make 'with nets of ambition' all one line. I.e. 'brought down stars with nets of ambition' Seems to flow better that way, but, as always, it's up to you. It's your poem, after all;-) The last stanza is the icing on the cake. Tina xx

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Yes I agree with Tina- the last stanza is the icing. ;)Pia

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much Tina, I feel more confident about this now:] Glad you enjoyed and liked the last stanza too. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you Pia! :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Nolan on
Excellent!
 

Submitted by pinda on
You say you feel 'more confident' when have you not been confident? Everything you've ever published on this site has always been 'cherry worthy' in my eyes. 'brought down stars with nets of ambition' Only you could create nets of ambition :D X Pinda

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you Nolan! :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Beeme on
Awwh thank you so much Pinda! I always feel unsure whenever I post but usually I'm reassured by the encouragement by others. Glad you enjoyed this :] Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by fatboy74 on
This is very good Beeme, 'hunted the chase' brings to mind Yeats' Oisin and the wild hunt of legend. Whole poem has a mythical feel to it which works really well. :-)

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thanks very much Fatboy :] Glad you like this. Beeme xx

k.