Your love killed me.

By Beeme

Wed, 22 Jul 2009
  • 4231 reads
19 comments
 

You're tearing me apart inside.

And on the outside even now,
on my skin it continues to show,

shaking wildly,
trying to get your attention.

I etched your name onto my
arms and neck ,you just laughed
at me and said I needed help...

and so I told you if my heart
has stopped beating: isn't that
the only way to get my blood to
flow again?

You're tearing me apart inside.

I had everything but your love:
too lost in vanity to give that
to me.

Left me breathless, lying on
the floor.

Certificate U
Poem
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by Jupiter on
Hi Beeme. Strong stuff ;-) I especially liked (the in-context use of) : And I told you if my heart has stopped beating: isn't this the only way to get my blood to flow again? Cheers PS. What happened to "Fallen Beauty"? That was lovely. :-)

Submitted by Sikander on
Actually it was the passage that Jupiter's quoted that confused me a little - are you saying that telling him/her would make the heart beat again? Lovely touches here though. Love love love the skin 'trying to get your attention'. One more nick-pick: 'shallow' seems a bit of a weak word in such a strong poem... Great stuff though, Beeme. Well done.

Submitted by Beeme on
Hey Jupiter, glad you enjoyed. You liked fallen beauty? lol, its back I had to make some changes the verses didn't work exactly how I imagined (-; Thanks for the comment. Best Wishes Beeme.

k.

Submitted by Beeme on
Hey Sikander. That passage means how I etched my name into my skin, drew blood, my heart doesn't beat anymore, so its more of a sarcastic remark, isn't that the only way to get my blood to flow again? lol glad you enjoyed the rest though. And changed shallow, hope you like the alternative. Thanks for the comment. Best wishes Beeme.

k.

Submitted by pinda on
when you said this ": isn't this the only way to get my blood to flow again?" Did you mean the love is the only way to get the blood to flow again. Difficult to grasp some parts but once it's undertstood by re-reading it a few times. It makes more sense and this piece in my opionon is excelletly crafted.

Submitted by Beeme on
That passage means how I etched my name into my skin, drew blood, my heart doesn't beat anymore, so its more of a sarcastic remark, isn't that the only way to get my blood to flow again? And thanks Pinda, glad you enjoyed :-) Best Wishes Beeme.

k.

Submitted by pinda on
Cool, makes more sense knowing that.

Submitted by Beeme on
cool, I reworked that part alittle, does it make more sense now?

k.

Submitted by pinda on
"you just laughed at me and said I needed help... and so I told you if my heart has stopped beating: isn't this the only way to get my blood to flow again? " with all that it makes a lot more sense. lol quick and efficent editing Beeme,I like your style.

Submitted by pinda on
You're 16 right?, does that mean college time for British kids?

Submitted by Jupiter on
He's on the pull Beemer - watch out ;-) lol

Submitted by Beeme on
Good, lol quick and efficient editing (-;. Yeah or staying on at school doing A levels like I am planning to.

k.

Submitted by Jupiter on
Hey Pin & Beeme - did you know I met Bruce Lee? ;-)

Submitted by Sikander on
Lovely reworking, Beeme. Much clearer - really lets the power of the piece shine through. Love that repeated line. Gorgeous.

Submitted by Beeme on
Thanks Sikander, glad I made that verse clearer :-) Glad you enjoyed.

k.

Submitted by sarah wilson on
Didn't see it before the rework, but this is lovely Beeme. Strong and powerfully written. Well done:)

Submitted by Beeme on
Thanks Sarah, glad you enjoyed. (-:

k.

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Beeme well done she survived did she another Agather Christie?

Submitted by Beeme on
lol yeah. Thanks Julie xx

k.