Small Steps

It was raining outside and warm in bed it would be very easy to pull the covers over my head but I had an appointment at 10 am. I could always cancel pretend I had a migraine but these would have just been excuses. I got out of bed went into the shower the water was warm and welcoming and somewhat soothing. I got dressed didn’t like what I had put on, changed three times before I felt comfortable. Now for the makeup I looked in the mirror didn’t like much of what was in front of me. I used to be so happy people used to comment on it but now I realised I had been sad for a long time. No point in dwelling in the past makeup on and forwards. I had breakfast felt slightly sick can I do this is it too much too soon. I put my coat on and opened the door feeling the rain on my face I went back for an umbrella perhaps I won’t go, after all it is raining quite hard now. Don’t be silly I told myself and ventured outside closing the front door behind me. The road seemed strangely familiar but not somehow. I started to walk, just a short way I said to myself just around the corner and after all I am going to have a manicure nothing else. I arrived at the house It was someone I knew vaguely anyway, she had realised my problems and even offered to collect me but I had brushed it off, of course I can make it. It was nice being pampered after six months and I began to relax the chat came easy. Now it was over I had to make my way home not a problem after all I made it here. I stepped outside thanked her and gave her a little hug and I was on my way. Very shortly I realised it was not as easy as I had thought feeling hot and uncomfortable I began to doubt whether I could do this. My legs felt like lead I took the umbrella down as my arms ached so much holding it. I felt the rain on my face cooling and welcoming. I didn’t think I would make it home but there was the path to my house. I fumbled with the key in the lock, once inside I burst into tears fear quickly took over and I stumbled to a chair. I had done it for the first time in 6 months since my mum had died I had ventured outside I knew I was on the road to recovery I still had a long way to go but this was my first step.