No, thank you

I'd rather not
take up your offer
of a free 3 month subscription
to a magazine that "gives women
what they really want"; that promises
to be "frank, shocking and open
about sexuality - reclaiming
the Big O for chick-kind".
I don't think I'd make it through
the quarter period without attaining
repetitive strain
from flicking past lipstick ads
and sheened photos
of Gisele Bundchen draped
over a stack of Vuitton bags
worth more than my house.

No thank you also,
to the free pink vibrator from liberatepussy.org*.
It's bound to be the wrong shaped train
for my particular tunnel; that,
or it'll conk out after a quick buzzle,
fizzing like a spat-on squib,
until purely ornamental.

Having scanned the sample article
in scarlet font - how Hester! -
I quite agree with reclaiming "cunt"
in relation to the pubis,
as long as I can still address
my boss thus, behind the back.
It packs a good punch for me.

I'm ticking "no" for the option
to be sent information relating to the magazine;
"no" for the Avon vouchers
and the discount off Dita's book,
but "yes" to the third party offers.
Perhaps
you have some organ
relating to otters, letters,
or trombone solos
that I might see.