7. No-man’s-land

Cherry

By chant

Thu, 11 Dec 2014
  • 1563 reads
6 comments
 

As dusk falls, the rose bush still,
trilling voices on the air, a girl
applying rouge in the flat opposite,
he departs for the mall. He can roam
its corridors, pass in & out of its
shops, ride its lifts, sit in its cafés
or designated outdoor squares.
He can do all these things yet he
is not free. In the mall he is like
one returned to the land of the living
to demand due burial. No one sings.

Certificate U
Poem
A London Vampire

Comments

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

right ive read up on this project now, brilliant, I liked the youtube videos, atmospheric. love the various ways of presenting this story, all really cool and different. liked this one a lot, the fragmented -is not free- in particular, v interesting project!

 

Submitted by chant on

hey Stephen, thank you so much for your encouraging comment, very glad you're enjoying the series. chant

 

Submitted by bosch on

3rd and 4th lines:  "applying rouge the flat opposite,/he sets out for the mall. To roam

5th line cut "its", you'll have a couple to follow in the next lines

"Able to do all these things,/yet not free."...

good poem

 

Submitted by chant on

thanks for the suggestions, Swep, 'He can do all ...' is a direct quote from Bram Stoker's Dracula, so am attached to it, but could be said better as you've commented.

 

Submitted by bosch on

demanding due burial.

Submitted by chant on

yup, will definitely use that, thanks Swep.