ABCtales serial (alternative) part 5

Hours past - for a lot of them I sat staring at the screen full of text, I walked the dogs, I vacuumed the house and still Susan didn’t return. I made myself a cheese sandwich and gave most of it to the dogs. I sat back in front of the screen but still Susan didn’t return. Outside the day was deepening to night and I began to think that she wasn’t coming back. Just as I’d given up any hope of seeing her again I heard the front door open (I’d deliberately left it unlocked). Quickly I shut the PC down and dived out into the hallway, almost knocking Susan over in my haste.
She deposited a paper wrapped package in my hands; “I bought a couple of fish suppers and a bottle of wine.” She refused to meet my eyes but swept past me into the kitchen with her own package and the wine. After a troubled moment I followed. Did she expect me to just forget what she had said earlier? That wasn’t going to happen.
She was pulling open kitchen drawers when I followed her through the door. “You’d better have a corkscrew or I’ve wasted money on this wine.” She said without turning around. Her voice was strained. I placed my paper wrapped supper down on the table and walked over to her pulling open the drawer she had just closed. The corkscrew was in plain view. I took it out wordlessly and handed it to her. I would wait, I decided, for a little while at least.
We ate in silence, Susan avoided looking at me through-out the meal and by the time we’d both finished the bottle of wine she’d bought was empty and we’d started in on a warm bottle of Red I had in my pantry.
“I think we have to talk, don’t you?” I said finally.
“I nearly didn’t come back.” She said without looking at me.
“I nearly came after you.” I replied.
My words must have surprised her because she looked at me then, tears welling in her eyes once more. The urge to hold her was almost overpowering but I was afraid, I knew that the wrong move now would drive her away.
“You would have been the first.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“I said I’d always be here for you, I didn’t make the promise lightly.”
“But why?” Her voice was intense and I knew that I wasn’t going to fob her off this time. It was the truth or nothing.
“Because I love you.” I sighed quietly; looking down into my wineglass and waiting for the outburst that would follow. What did I expect? Rage, laughter, ridicule, all of the above?
“Loved me, you mean. Back then?” Her voice was calm but I could sense the edge beneath the surface; my answer was important.
“Yeah, that’s what I mean.” I replied quietly, still not looking at her; I knew if she saw my eyes at that moment she would know I was lying.
Her hands snaked across the table and clasped mine; I looked up at her in surprise.
“I can really trust you?” There was more need than could ever be voiced by words alone.
I met her grip with one of my own, “Always. Let me help you.”
She jerked her hand away and stood turning away from me, “I can’t, don’t you understand?” Her voice was strained, near breaking. “There are things about me… Things that I’ve done…. You’re all that I have left if you know it all, I’ll lose you too just like I’ve lost everyone else.”
I stood and walked around the table standing close to her, her scent filled my nostrils and, with the wine, fuddled my brain. I reached out to touch her but drew my hands away again. “I said I wouldn’t push you Susan and I won’t. But nothing you say could ever change the way I…” I stopped myself, “Could never make me break my promise. I’ll always be here for you; always.”
I backed away from her; I had too, to get away from her. The dogs needed walking anyway.
“Jack.” She called quietly as I reached the kitchen door. “I’m sorry that I’ve brought all of this onto you. I truly am.” I was surprised. She meant every word.
I turned to face her and forced a smile, “I’m not.” I meant it as much as she did.
My reply surprised her. “I…”
“I have to get the dogs out, there’s going to be a storm tonight.” I said interrupting her and before she had a chance to say anything more I had snatched my jacket and the dog’s leads and headed for the door.