The Missing Madonna, Chapter 28 "The Homecoming"

Clopas should be home today. I’m not sure if Susannah and Joshua will come to see us or whether they will drop off at their village – it’s sometime since they visited and it would be good to see them again. At least Salome and Rebecca should be back and I’ll get some help again. It’s been strange with both of them away and I’ve just Benjamin for company. He tries to help me, but he spends most of each day at the synagogue, even after school as Joel seems to keep him back for extra tuition. I don’t think he needs it. I could really do with him here. I’ve Miriam for company and she helps me as much as she can, but she’s been busy today preparing for her family’s homecoming, baking and going for an extra fill of water. I’ve tried but I’m so tired. I’ve got used to relying on the girls. Just going to fetch water has been a strain as my legs and arms ache so much.

They said they’d aim to be home today, but I won’t believe it until I see the pilgrims coming. Several women are looking forward to today, I just hope we’re not disappointed. This wretched stiffness in my bones, I feel so old but that’s stupid. I’m nothing like the age of my mother when she came here and she maintained her health until the last year or so before her death. I’ve another twenty years to go to reach her age, but I fear it will not be that long. Life has been too harsh for me. Still, I must get on with things. It is no use sitting here and grumbling.

Miriam is coming towards me with a large water pot. She’s obviously about to go to the well for a second load – she’s clearly prepared for the family’s return. I suppose I ought to go as well, but I wonder if I can get away with what I hauled up this morning. I haven’t used much as yet.

“Hi, Anna. Are you coming for more water?”

“I’m wondering if I can do without. I can always send Becca to fetch more if she returns tonight with Clopas and the others. Have you had any news?”

“No, but they said they’d aim for today. I want to be ready just in case. Why don’t you come with me?”

“I don’t know, Miriam. I suppose I ought to, but I feel so weary these days.”

“Oh, come on, Anna. Come and chat as we go. It won’t feel so bad if we go together. You’ll cheer up when we mingle with all the other women.”

“I miss the girls. They’ve been my solace since Mari went away. I dread the day when they leave me too.”

“You’ve got Ben. By the time the girls are ready to start their own families, Ben‘ll be looking for a wife. In any case, I’m sure the girls won’t go far. Clopas’ll find husbands for them locally. You can look forward to grandchildren.”

“I often wonder if I already am a grandmother. Then after all this time it seems unrealistic to hope. I’m sure we’d have heard from Mari long ago if all were well. She’d have come home for the wedding, but nothing. Not a word! I can’t help but think they’re dead. And I believed Mari when she said her expected child was sent by God, I thought he’d be protected and soon come back to us. But nothing. Just a foolish dream.”

“Forget about them, Anna. It’s time to stop grieving for them. You have two lovely girls and Ben is shaping up nicely. You could do a lot worse.”

“I can’t help it. Mari was so special and I had such high hopes after all we went through at the time. It seemed as though everything was coming right, just as Mari said it would – and then, nothing. I hoped for a long time, but gradually it seemed in vain.”

“Come on, Anna. I’ll give you a hand if your shoulder is playing up.”

“It’s not just that. My knees pain me these days.”

“You need to exercise, Anna. Keep moving. Get out of your house and meet people. You’re shutting yourself away. You’re acting like an old woman. It’s much too soon for that, Anna. You should be in your prime. The children are old enough now to not need your constant attention. You should have no worries now.”

“But you have a husband and all your children are at home and healthy.”

She’s right. I really ought to shake myself out of this lethargy. I’ll force myself to go with her. Perhaps seeing others will cheer me up as Miriam says. So reluctantly I allow myself to be persuaded. I pick up an empty jar and hoist it to my good shoulder. I must try to be cheerful when the girls return. It’s just that I feel such a heavy weight these days, it’s probably in my mind. I can tell both Clopas and Miriam think I’m depressed and they constantly try to involve me in some activity. They don’t know what a strain it is.

So we walk to the well. We meet up with Martha and Rhoda on the way, they’re looking forward to the return of their menfolk with all the news from Jerusalem. Clopas and Miriam tried to persuade me to go last year. Susannah said she’d stay at home and the girls and Ben could stay with them, but I really didn’t feel like it. I suppose I was half dreading to hear bad news about Mari. When they returned, they told me that Elizabeth had heard nothing. Surely Mari if she was well would have got a message to her cousin? And when Zechariah died, would she not have visited Elizabeth? She was so close to her aunt, I’m sure she would have rushed to her. It’s not like my Mari to have been so thoughtless. Something must have gone badly wrong.

The others are joking amongst themselves. They clearly expect the pilgrims home tonight, although no-one knows for sure. They’re optimistic, I can think of many reasons for delay. They could be delayed by the crowds in the city, they could have been persuaded to stay longer with Elizabeth, although I’m sure they will want to travel with the rest of the party for safety reasons. They could, even in that large gathering, have been attacked by robbers. It has happened.

We eventually draw our water and I hang around while Miriam chats to a group of other women. I know she expects me to join in, but I can’t force myself. I just want to get back. When we reach home, Miriam leaves me and I relinquish my burden thankfully and lie on my mattress to rest and before I know it, I must have dropped off.

I awake in some confusion. It can’t be long, it’s still light, and the sun is not yet set. But there is movement, noise. I drag myself upright and stagger to the door. I think at first that it might be Ben with some of the other lads making a racket as they come back from the synagogue, but then I see them. There’s quite a bevy of them at the end of the street with several well laden beasts. I spot Becca and Salome. At last! But they’re running. Can they be so eager to return home again? They’re not just running, they’re sprinting as if the ghosts of Sheol are after them. What on earth…?

“Mother, Mother, come quick, it’s Mari. It’s Mari! She’s come home. And she’s got lots of children with her.”

Salome too rushes up just behind her younger sister.

“It’s true, mother, it really is Mari. And she has Joshua and James and baby Salome with her. And Joseph of course.”

I am stunned. My heart lurches. It can’t be true. What are they saying? I look and everything is blurred. I feel dizzy, I’m falling, I feel sick…

I open my eyes and see shadows hovering over me. Someone is shaking my shoulder. Everything is hazy. I don’t know where I am.

“Mother, mother is it really you? What’s the matter? Are you ill?”

Who is shaking me? Whose voice is this? It seems so familiar yet remote.

“Mother, it’s me, Mari. It really is me. I’ve come home. Mother, speak to me. Becca, can you fetch her some water? I think she’s just fainted.”

The figure stoops and I feel her arms around me, then cradling my head.

“Mother, it’s me, Mari. I’m back for good.”

She is sitting on the ground beside me, hugging me. A cup is handed to me and I take a draught of cool water. Then it is all too much. I choke and burst into tears. I’m being rocked. I’m being smothered with kisses. I cannot speak. I try but nothing comes out. Eventually I find some words.

“Mari, oh Mari, Mari my beloved daughter. Mari!” It’s all I can say.

I’m being helped to my feet. I shake the dust from my tunic and wipe my eyes to see her more clearly. I’m surrounded. They are clustering round me trying to show me everything at once. Then Becca holds up a small boy.

“This is Joshua, Mama, the special baby.”

And before I can grasp what she is saying Salome is pulling another smaller lad by the arm.

“And this is James and Susannah is holding baby Salome.”

I suddenly realise that Susannah and Joshua and their baby son, Reuben, have come too and Clopas and his boys are there and Mo is jumping up and down and trying to tell me something and Joseph is there. I’m overwhelmed. It’s so sudden and I haven’t taken everything in yet. It seems too good to be true. I worry that I will wake up and find it’s just a mirage, my mind has finally lost reality.

But they are still there. They help me into my house and lower me to the floor and sit all around me in a circle. I stare at them. It is true. They are still there. I look from face to face. Mari is looking at me with such concern in her face. She has grown, she is a woman now, but I shall never forget that face, those eyes boring into mine. I do not want to drag my gaze from hers, but the children are moving and I get a first proper look. These are my grandchildren. The thought has just occurred to me. My own grandchildren, Mari’s children. Not just one, but three. Can it really be so long? I stare at the older boy and Mari gives him a little push and whispers something to him. He comes over shyly to me and looks up at me.

“Hallo Grandma.”

I choke for a moment and my eyes brim over. I reach out and pull him to me. I give him a hug and gently pull him onto my lap. He does not resist but looks up at me, his big eyes, Mari’s eyes, looking at me beneath his huge eyelashes.

“I’m Joshua,” he says simply. “And you’re my Grandma.”