The Missing Madonna, Chapter 31 "Do you know the answers?"

The festival is over and we’ve already arrived back by the river. It was lovely to see Elizabeth again, looking so well and so energetic still despite her age. John must be quite a handful. He’s big and strong. He’s as different from Joshua as he could be, yet they seemed to have such a rapport. We all went up to the Temple together after our Passover meal and we parted from Elizabeth and John in the city, when they went back with some of their neighbours because Ein-Karem was out of our way. Joshua went around with his eyes on sticks, he lapped everything up and asked us so many questions. When we were in the Temple he asked about each detail, why this, why that. I think some of the men got fed up with his questions. I know Joseph told him a couple of times to be quiet and listen.

Anyway, it’s time to set up camp for the night. I meet up with Joseph and ask him where Joshua is. We have a quick look, but can’t find him. He’ll be with the other lads. They’re up front somewhere.

“Don’t worry about him, he’ll be alright. It’s good for him to be with the older boys instead of with younger children all the time.”

So we don’t worry and go to sleep assuming he’s somewhere with the group.

Next day we set off and at lunchtime we sit down by the river where there is a wide expanse of meadow beside the turgid water. I get our loaves out – I must find Joshua, it’s not fair that he’s eating someone else’s lunch. I find Clopas’s boys and ask where Joshua is. They look blankly at me.

“He’s not with us,” says Jude. “I haven’t seen him since Jerusalem.

I begin to panic. I rush round asking everyone if they’ve seen Joshua, but no-one has. I find Joseph and he searches too. It’s fruitless. We can’t think of anywhere else to look. Has he been kidnapped? Has some bandit caught him at the back of our caravan and spirited him away? I know they say it’s dangerous on this road, but I thought we’d be safe in such a crowd and there were plenty of soldiers about. Surely someone would have noticed if something was wrong. But no-one seems to have seen him on the return journey at all. The last time I remember seeing him was when we said farewell to Elizabeth and John, but we were still in the city then. Surely he can’t have missed us then and got lost? I realise of course that this is his first time in the city and it’s very easy to lose your way, even for someone who knows the city reasonably well, especially when it is so crowded. What should we do?

There is nothing for it but to go back. It must be a two day walk which means we’ll be on our own through the desert area above Jericho, but it can’t be helped. Clopas volunteers to come with us and then his two boys offer as well. I don’t want to put them out like this, but I feel safer with them, especially if Joseph is taken ill. He’s been a bit breathless again today and being so worried about Joshua won’t help. It takes us two nail-biting days to get back to the city, luckily without any undue alarms, but where do we start looking for him? We spread out, Clopas and his boys search the east of the city, Joseph and I go to the other side which we know best as it’s nearest Bethlehem. We arrange to meet at sundown in the outer courtyard of the Temple.

We arrive hot and frustrated after the long day’s search. I’m distraught now. After all the promise, all the sudden expectations aroused by our conversation on the way here, is it all suddenly in vain? ‘What have you done, Lord?’ I cry in my heart. I pray fervently. He must be here somewhere, mustn’t he?

We find somewhere to stay – at least the city’s emptying of pilgrims now, so there are rooms to be had. The second day is just as bad. We’ve been everywhere and Joseph is looking grey. Although it is still two hours before we’re due to meet up with Clopas and his sons, I persuade Joseph to return early to the Temple. It’s still hot outside and Joseph is exhausted.

“Why don’t you go inside the Temple itself, into the shade and rest. Go and pray to God, go and ask the priests to help us.”

Joseph doesn’t want to leave me but he knows women can’t go into the main part of the Temple, so reluctantly he goes. I just sit down on the steps in the outer courtyard and start weeping. It’s awful. I’m tired out and scared. What can have happened to the boy? What is he feeling now? Is he scared and tired like us? What will he do when he realises he’s lost? Surely he won’t try to come home alone. I suddenly realise that if I were in his place, I’d probably think of going back to Ein-Karem and finding John and Elizabeth again. Yes, that’s what we must do. Tomorrow morning we must go to Elizabeth. He must be there.

I’ve just concluded this and allowed myself to feel some relief, when Joseph comes running over. I panic because he looks so agitated. Has something dreadful happened? Has he found our boy injured or even dead?

“Mari, Mari, come quickly. I’ve found him. He’s here. He’s in the Temple.”

“Oh, thank heavens! Is he alright?”

“Yes, the stupid fool’s sitting there as bold as brass arguing with three of the Temple’s chief rabbis. The cheek of it! I could wring his neck, I could. Just wait till we get home. He’s not heard the last of this.”

“Don’t be so angry, Joseph. Just be thankful that we’ve found him. I was beginning to think we’d never see him again.”

“Well, look how upset he’s made you. I’d never have believed he’d be so thoughtless. James, yes, but Joshua! Just shows how you can misjudge someone. I never dreamt that he would do this to us.”

“Perhaps he was lost and thought that this would be the most likely place to find him.”

“I’m going back in for him. Don’t be too soft with the boy. There’s no excuse for his behaviour.”

Joseph turns back and disappears into the Temple building. I whisper a prayer of thanks to God and try to wipe the tears from my face. I don’t want Joshua to see I’ve been crying. I’m sure he didn’t realise how much we’d worry about him. It’s a long time before they emerge. I was beginning to wonder what on earth had happened. Did he not want to be found by us? Has he run away? I can’t believe that, but the minutes drag on and my mind is whirring with silly fears.

At last I see them coming. Joseph has got hold of Joshua by the shoulder and is propelling in him in my direction, but two of the rabbis are coming with him. What has he been up to? Has he misbehaved and shamed us? My stomach lurches again. Then I notice that the rabbis are smiling. Only Joseph is looking angry.

“These rabbis have asked to see us. I dread to think what they want to say. Joshua, you can begin by apologising to your mother. You can’t begin to understand the distress you’ve caused let alone the inconvenience. Five whole days you’ve been here. What did you think you were doing?”

Before Joshua could open his mouth, one of the rabbis holds up his hand and interrupts.

“You are this boy’s mother?”

I nod.

“Let me explain. Don’t be too hard on the boy. It is true that he got carried away listening and talking to some of the rabbis who were teaching in the Temple. When he realised that your party had gone without him, he spoke to one of the rabbis and inquired what he should do. We asked him where he thought his parents would look for him when he was missed and he was adamant that you’d look here first. We never thought you would be so long. Didn’t you miss him earlier?”

“I assumed he was with some of the other boys in our party. We are part of a large caravan come down from Galilee, from Nazareth, Capernaum, Kana and Nain. I didn’t get concerned until well into the second day, then we came straight back. It must be five days now. We’ve been searching the city for nearly three days. My cousin and his boys are still looking for him. Where on earth has he been, what has he had to eat?”

“Don’t worry on that score. We told him to stay with us. He slept in the Temple with the priests on duty. We fed him, don’t concern yourself about that. He’s a remarkable lad though. He’s been listening to the rabbis every day with rapt attention and asking all sorts of questions. Some of them really had the teachers hard pushed to give an answer that satisfied him. You have a very bright boy there. Are you from a priestly family? Is he destined to be a priest or rabbi?”

I stammer a ‘no’ to that.

“A pity. We could do with someone with his wit and understanding here. He’s a lot brighter than most of the boys we are training. He must have a very good teacher back in Nazareth.”

The rabbis bow to us and give Joshua a friendly pat on the shoulder. Joseph looks a little abashed and bites his tongue.

“Couldn’t you guess where I’d be, mother? I thought it would be obvious.”

I feel ashamed to own that it was nearly two days before we missed him. “Did you feel scared when we didn’t come for you? Weren’t you bored, having to stay in the Temple for so long with all those old men?”

“No. Why should I be? It was really interesting. I could have listened for hours to them. And they let me ask questions and they didn’t mind when I argued with them. One of the younger ones seemed to think it was funny.”

We wait on the steps of the Temple for Clopas, James and Jude to find us before we can resume our journey back home. We’ll have to find lodgings again, it’ll be dark before we can take the road down to Jericho and everyone has warned us not to risk it after nightfall. While we wait, I ask Joshua what he talked about for so long. What sort of questions had he asked?

Joshua gives me a long hard look.

“I asked them about the Messiah. I asked them what sort of Messiah they were expecting. When one of them said that they were expecting a leader who would restore Israel to the Jews and throw out the Romans – the priest had been very careful to say this very softly so no-one else could hear – I asked him how he squared this with the prophecies of Isaiah who forecasts a peacemaker, someone who will suffer, not a great conqueror. He found it difficult to answer me and said Isaiah must have been thinking about a teacher or priest, not the Messiah. And I asked them why they thought God was only concerned with the Jews. Didn’t the people we used to live with in Egypt count? And they said there were many Jews in Egypt, God would care for them. So I asked if God would protect a bad Jew and not a good Egyptian. The priest changed the subject.”

“Goodness me! Didn’t they get upset? Didn’t they think you presumptuous to answer them back like that?”

“I don’t think so. More and more rabbis came to join in and I listened to them arguing with each other. They don’t all think the same, you know. Joel and the other rabbis in Nazareth always said the same. I never heard them arguing – well not about God and our scriptures anyway. Only about taxes and which Roman laws we had to obey and which were against our laws. Anyway, I asked lots more questions. I can’t remember them all now. I asked why some people seem to suffer through no fault of their own. I was thinking of Ruth and my friend Benjamin you told me about and our friends in Pelusium and Alexandria who were so generous and yet so poor. They quoted Job to me. Will Ruth and Naomi and Annie and all the other children become rich in the end like Job was? They couldn’t answer that. I know I asked why some of the laws were so strict, did they all matter equally to God or were some more important than the others. That got the rabbis arguing for a whole afternoon. That was great fun.”

“Were there any other pilgrims talking with you to the rabbis?”

“One or two hung around listening, but I don’t think anyone else asked any questions.”

“What was the most important question you asked?” I am really curious. I wonder if he’s really thought about this. He doesn’t hesitate.

“Oh, I asked them why we were here. What was our purpose? Did our existence have meaning? If God had a plan for us, how would we know?”

“And did they have answers?”

“Not really. They tried. They waffled a bit. They quoted lots of scripture but when I asked what it meant they just repeated the phrases as though that made sense and when I still pushed them, they said I must recognise the authority of the scriptures and anyway God was mysterious and we couldn’t know the answers to that now.”

I’m in deep thought.

“And you,” I ask, “do you know the answers?”

He hesitates a moment. He looks at me for a moment and smiles. “You know the answer to that one don’t you? When we talked beside the Jordan on the way here, I thought you knew everything. I thought you were telling me what I needed to know, what I had to do. That’s why I thought you’d soon find me in the Temple.”

I repeat my question. Joseph is listening with increasing confusion. He doesn’t know what either of us is talking about now. Neither of us has mentioned the frank and deep discourse we had beside the Jordan River.

“Joshua,” I say once more with great emphasis. “Do you know the answers?”

He stares at me. He looks a little sheepish and embarrassed at his reply.

“I think I do.”