ejacula

dracula (the real deal):
you know he’s been rollin’ in his coffin
since ejacula came & took over
the whole vampire scene---
as if it wasn’t hard enough to try and live off the blood of
moronic humans
for hundreds of years,
suddenly these pre-pubescent
high schoolers from “twilight,”
with their perpetually stoned eyes
(however, never actually
doing any drugs)
come along &
taint his image.

yes there was a time when vlad prevailed
when the people of his kingdom feared &
respected the man who fought to keep
wallachia free of the ottomans---
so much different was the man whose legacy,
illustrated for the west by stoker,
sat as a wonderfully unique novel delighting readers
for over a century,
taking its place next to shelley’s frankenstein on
the shelf & followed by the likes of
rice.

but as the saying goes, “all good things must come to
an end,”
and so strolled in ms. stephenie meyer
whose excrementitious mix of once interesting
vampiric lore & the quintessential teenage
stumbling over sexuality
(of which she claims: "I don't think teens need
to read about gratuitous sex.")
has become a new brew of
non-threatening pulp
which besides giving two actors who couldn’t
act their way out of a box high-paying careers
(as undeserved as the author’s),
has infected a whole generation of young women
who now have a brand new template for
abusive relationships.

meyer’s “abstinence porn” (as it is now
dubbed by many)
brings with it the inevitable message that women will
lose their whole sense of self in a relationship &
end up succumbing to the supposed societal norm
of having a child, that is,
a ludicrous vampire baby who will no doubt grow
up learning how to be abused just as the mother did---
this distressed damsel that stewart portrays
is so transparently based on meyer herself
that one would have to be intoxicated to a point of
blindness,
not to see it---
the real choice of a young woman to have an abortion &
not have a child with an abusive vampire
might make for a less “romantic” statement
than the twilight-drivel---

if only independence was as romantic.