pertinent

a sincere death wish
percolates in the early morning,
from where it rises &
how long it will last,
there is no center, there’s no
way of identifying a source---
like a brand new cancer that has been
personalized to
one,
it lies behind the eyes,
it rises when called upon &
it quiets to the subtle slumber
required in those rare moments
when sleep allows for a sense of
peace.

it wanders in the dreams
creating nightmares that might
twitch others awake,
but because the routine has become
routine,
the moments spent sweating
when the sun comes out,
shock no more than an accidental
bump
when passing round the corner of a
desk
&
it follows in the daylight
like a stalking murderer
waiting for that perfect moment to
strike,
revealing a shadow on the walk
that only s/he with the death wish
can see.

and one can’t speak about it,
without setting off the flares,
without worrying others, without
gradually pulling down all those around
who might be
observing the
descent---
so as long as the wish stays conscious,
so does the ability to stave off the
want to
satisfy the urge.