prayer (in the absence of justice)

in the absence of justice
you drop to your knees
& you close your eyes
looking for something
somewhere
else
which you believe can do the
work for you---
you run in your mind to another
place,
which you believe exists even though
you have never actually found proof
& no one you know
has ever found such a place
or testified to its existence
without standing in that same
dumbfounded
lack of evidence &
lack of substance---
still,
with your eyes closed
you want vengeance---
whatever has been done wrong to you
whatever you cannot deal with or
defend yourself against,
you feel that
something
else
should---
and so you concentrate
(so much energy that could be spent
in so many other more
productive
ways) & you want with all of your
heart
to believe that in due time
justice will come to you
because of your faith in a process
whereby you ask,
and you receive something from an
imagined force
which only you know as intimate as
you believe that you do---
& in the absence of what you believe to be
right in your actual life,
you hope with every thought
in your daily routine
retracing every mental step
(in wonder if you “jinxed” your own prayer by
“misbehaving,” or “acting incorrectly” thereafter)
in some kind of mad
schizo-struggle
opposing yourself &
supporting yourself &
congratulating yourself &
condemning yourself---
all for the sake of something that someone else told you
during your upbringing or
worse yet,
something that you ran to
when you felt that you were
left with no alternatives in your later years
even though
you
&
i
both know
that you did not take the time to consider all your options.

good luck with that.