"Checkout" Scene Two

Cherry

By Denzella

Wed, 05 Sep 2012
  • 4885 reads
19 comments
 

"Checkout" Out With the Old!
Scene Two Supermarket Tea Shop The following day

Leanne and Mel are sitting looking at the menu.

Enter Maureen & Doreen brushing sawdust from their hair and clothes.

Maureen:
Hiya Leanne, Hiya Mel. Said we’d come and see you today.

Leanne: (Looking up)
Look at the state of them!

Mel:
How did they get like that?

Doreen:
I’m still brushing sawdust and plaster from my clothes and my hair.

Leanne:
Yeah, you do look a mess.

Maureen:
Can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.

Mel:
So what eggs have you been breaking ?

Maureen:
We pulled out the old kitchen units last night…trouble was we took half the wall with ‘em.

Leanne:
Oh, what will you do?

Doreen:
Oh, we know what to do, Joe, the maintenance man, told us.

Maureen:
Yeah, but we knew already.

Doreen:
Oh, yeah, we knew. (PAUSE) Did we Maureen?

Maureen:
Yes, yes…what did Sarah Beeny say?

Doreen:
Oh yeah. What did she say?

Maureen:
She said it will probably be necessary to skim the walls or they might need to be completely re-plastered. Well first we’ve got to fill in the bloody great hole we made because we got a bit carried away and then we’re going to skim the rest.

Leanne:
And do you really know how to do it?

Maureen:
Piece of cake. First we size the walls with a bonding agent and then we plaster.

Mel:
Well it sounds like you know what you’re doing.

Doreen:
Yes we’re gonna do it tonight.

Maureen:
First we’ll fill the hole in, next get the plastering done and then up the pub for a nightcap!

Mel:
You’re doing a day’s work here then you’re gonna do building work. How will you find time to go to the pub?

Maureen:
We can always find time to get a drink in. You forget, our Mum was out of her head by ten in the morning.

Mel:
Oh yeah. I remember now she had a small affection for the drink.

Leanne:
Small affection! It was a bloody great love affair!

Maureen:
So we’ve got a lot to live up to.

Mel:
You seem to manage.

Maureen:
We do our best.

Leanne:
Anyway, do you know what sort of kitchen you’re gonna have?

Doreen:
Yes, it’s real class, aint it Mor?

Maureen:
Well, when you live on The Mount one has certain standards to maintain.

Leanne:
Blimey, is this the same person I saw thrown out of The Grapes the other night for fighting!

Doreen:
No, I won’t have that. Maureen wasn’t thrown out for fighting. Model of decorum she was, you wouldn’t have recognised her…laid out on the pavement like that…no trouble to anyone.

Maureen:
Yeah we’re gonna miss living so close to The Grapes because it’s difficult to walk when your legless but we can usually crawl that distance.

Leanne:
Anyway, you was going to tell us what sort of kitchen you’re gonna have.

Doreen:
Solid oak units.

Maureen:
Black granite worktops.

Leanne:
You never are. That sounds really expensive.

Maureen:
Yes but we’ve found a very reasonable supplier for the oak and he’s put us on to someone for the granite.

Mel:
Are you really buying oak units?

Maureen:
No, we’re gonna make ‘em ourselves. How difficult can that be?

Leanne:
Sounds difficult to me. I wouldn’t know where to start.

Doreen:
You should watch Sarah Beeny.

Leanne:
It wouldn’t matter who I watched I would never even think to make my own units for a kitchen.

Doreen:
Maureen, look at the time. We best be getting back or arse face will be after us again.

Maureen:
Yeah, best not upset her after this morning’s little episode. We got told off for coming to work covered in sawdust and plaster. We didn’t have time to change.

Doreen:
If you’re here tomorrow we’ll tell you how we got on with the plastering.

EXIT The Twins

Mel:
I can’t help wondering what sort of job they’ll make of the walls and as for the units…

Leanne:
I don’t care what sort of job they make just so long as I get an invite up there.

Mel:
Yes, I suppose it would be nice to boast we have friends that live up on The Mount.

Leanne:
I’ve already started to look for a dress for their party. I want to look absolutely stunning! What about you, Mel? I know you can’t look stunning but will you buy a dress or come as you usually do…in your dungarees?

Mel:
And what’s wrong with my dungarees?

Leanne:
Well, they’re not exactly feminine, are they? And then there’s your boots…there’s a time and place for everything, I always say.

Mel:
Yes, I agree…I’m just not sure the twins do is the place for people to see me in a beautiful gown that will be the envy of everyone there…should I choose to wear it, of course.

Leanne:
You crafty cow! You’ve already gone out and bought one! If you’re trying to outdo me then it can only mean one thing.

Mel:
And that is?

Leanne:
WAR! It’s WAR!

Mel:
If that’s how you want to see it but just remember you’re not the only one unattached.

Leanne:
Oh, well then I suggest you do a bit of shoplifting because being handcuffed to a policeman is the only way I can see you getting yourself attached.

Getting up LEANNE EXITS angrily.

End

Certificate U
Story
"Checkout"
Humour

Comments

Submitted by jolono on
I've missed Leanne and Mel, they are so good and you write them so well, read part one as well, bloody hell Moya why aren't you a writer for TV comedy!

 

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Jolono, I've been debating bringing Leanne and Mel back if only because I wanted to introduce Maureen and Doreen who are actual characters taken from the series which Leanne and Mel are not as they were created just for this site. Thank you for your lovely comment too. I would have sent the series out but Sky put on Trolleyed at the same time as my "Checkout" was finished. Thems the breaks! Moya
 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Strange jolono should say that, Moya...about TV comedy, because when I read your stories, especially ones like this, I can visualise it so clearly. It's a rare gift, indeed;-) Tina

 

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Tina, Thank you for the read and your lovely comment. I wasn't too sure about bringing this back and when I put up the first one I didn't think I would put up any more but hudsonmoon liked it and wanted more so I thought okay, I'll try another one. Thank you, MOya
 

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on
Can only agree with Jo and Tina. You do have a gift for scriptwriting, you manage to convey so much in a few words. And you are the woman who once said something like 'you never used one word when one hundred would do'! Great stuff. Linda

Linda

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Linda, Thank you too for the read and the lovely comment. I was none too sure about it and if it hadn't been for hudsonmoon I probably wouldn't have posted any more. In fact, I felt quite embarrassed putting the first one up. Thanks once again MOya
 

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Cherry Pickers, I must say I have become so fond of you all. If fruit picking is anywhere near as hard as hop picking then you have my sympathy. But, once again, thank you, Moya
 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
lol. Great last line, Moya. Keep 'em coming. These are very entertaining. It's smooth sailing. Rich

 

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Rich, Thanks for the read and thanks for the encouragement because without you commenting on the first one of this second lot of "Checkout" I would not have posted any more. Moya
 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on
You're welcome, Moya. They're well worth the effort. Would love to see more. Rich

 

Submitted by Esther on
Smashing read for me first thing in the morning;laughing is a great way to start the day.

Submitted by Denzella on
Esther, Thank you for the read and the comment. And I agree laughing is a great way to start the day so if I have helped in some small way to get your day off to a good start then that will do for me. Moya
 

Submitted by KerryJDonovan on
Loved it, please continue KJD

KJD

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello, Thank you for the read and the comment. How nice! If it gets the readers then I will. Moya
 

Submitted by TVR on
Heloweeeee, (he says, poking his ugly mug round the door) Moya, are you there, dear? Still continuing in a good humoured vein. I love the interplay between the characters. I think any of your monologues would adapted really well to script format as well, Moya, you are so good at dialogue. Only one bit of awkwardness I felt: Mel: Oh yeah. I remember now she had a small affection for the drink. If it’s part of the character’s way with words, fine, but something like this seems to have the truer ring: Mel: Oh yeah. I remember now she had a liking for a drink or two... If it’s not right for your character, just forget I mentioned it. It’s just a thought. Overall, it’s a really good piece of work and I can’t add much to the above comments which are all singing your praises... Mrs Denzella, TV scriptwriter par excellence! Well done on cherries too! Trev sd

TVR

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Trev, Thank you for the read and your comment. However, a lot of my characters from any of my plays usually end up with a small affection for the drink. In this instance that line is really to lay the groundwork for the next line, "Small affection... more like a bloody love affair!" Affection for the drink stems from childhood memories of my Mum who was for me the first person to have more than a passing affection for the drink and that is not a criticism. My sister says I bring shame on the family because I don't like alcohol - it all tastes like Night Nurse to me. She says our Mum would be ashamed... Is there an organization such as Temperance Anonymous? I would be willing to stand up and say "My name is Moya and I am in a state of Temperance. I've been clean now for all of my life."
 

Submitted by TVR on
Hi Moya, point taken, that's why I did ask. I was aware that it led perfectly into the next line and that made me wonder if there was a valid reason. Great piece, anyway, darling. As to the alcohol... I still enjoy a few beers, but at least I'm not a slave to the bottle. Lots of love Trev

TVR

Submitted by Denzella on
Hello Trev, my love, Your comments are welcome because they are always constructive and most helpful to someone like me who is feeling her way with this writing lark. Nothing wrong with liking a few bears. I wish I could enjoy a glass of wine but apart from not liking the taste someone only has to uncork the bottle and I'm decidedly squiffy. I usually can manage a glass or two of Cinzano and Lemonade in a tall glass filled to top with lemonade but that is about it. Boring or what! Lots of love to you too, Trev, Moya
 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
Hi Moya, I just have to agree with all the above. Such a rare writer, who can bring a situation comedy alive. I think you have a gift for this. Please keep them coming. I'm off to read more. Jenny.