Truth, Dare, Kiss or Promise!
By Denzella
Tue, 10 Jul 2012
- 2541 reads
11 comments
Truth Dare Kiss OR Promise!
Truth can be in short supply
Sadly people quite often lie
I’ve never understood why
But I’d like to before I die
Dare do something new each day
That's a satisfying game to play
Others may want to have their say
Just give a smile and say okay
Kiss me now before someone sees
But you ignore my heartfelt pleas
Too busy carving names on trees
Oblivious to the stirring breeze
OR
Promise that once my heart is woken
Any cruel words will go unspoken
If love is worth more than a token
Such a promise must never be broken
- Log in to post comments
Comments
Loved the first stanza,
Loved the first stanza, moya. The second stanza, I think would flow better if it was shortened slightly on a couple of lines.
Dare do something new each day
That's a satisfying game to play
Others may want to have their say
Just give a smile and say okay!
Just thought those two lines had too many words in them to flow naturally.
Hope you don't mind!
- Log in to post comments
What a cracking idea carried
What a cracking idea carried through. I think this is one of your best poems, Moya.
- Log in to post comments
one little crit on the final
one little crit on the final stanza. You have used the broken rhyme twice... could I suggest maybe doing something with awoken
Promise my heart will be awoken
Cruel words will be left unspoken
If love is more than *just* a token
It will *never* be a promise broken
Just an idea to get past the same word rhyme.
- Log in to post comments
So then, Miss Poet Laureate!
So then, Miss Poet Laureate! Expect you're pretty pleased with yourself eh?
Thought so, cherries for poetry, for Moya, are they mad?
But on a serious note, this is really good stuff. I don't know how i missed it when you originally did it 6 days ago!
My favourite is the third stanza, it flows really well.
Cherries for poetry, whatever next!
- Log in to post comments
I loved the message you
I loved the message you imparted here, Moya, and leading right into the final stanza which justified the title. Really clever of you to use the name of an old children’s game for inspiration. Excellent rhyme and metre, and in fact, the syllabic count of your matching lines was bang on. It was obvious you paid great care and attention to this particular point. I could see you in my mind’s eye counting on your fingers as you read through. Well done, yet another string to your bow - poetry. Deserved the cherries and all the lovely comments.
Trev
TVR
- Log in to post comments