In your shoes
By Di_Hard
- 4794 reads
The bag's bright pink, prawn cocktail
in clear script. We don't have prawns now
the sea is plastic soup. You wear shoes
so your feet don't touch the ground, make-believe
the past will be fixed by the future
as you throw it away. A life made bland by ease.
In your shoes, would I eat those crisps
for two minutes' worth intense sensation?
The sell by says 18 08 18.
Could you breathe outside, then?
I read there were birds that sang
and anyone could hear, for free.
Were there wild animals still?
Have you seen a real tree?
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Comments
The childlike, chatty tone of
The childlike, chatty tone of those questions adds greatly to the chill of this piece and gives it a bigger impact. This is a good one Di!
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A life made bland by ease is
A life made bland by ease is a very telling phrase. So easy just to criticize others, or frustration at the attitudes of 'society'. I was reading of the problems of fasion and the assumptions of constant new clothing necessary, made to feel more comfortable by donating the 'old' to charity shops or poorer countires, but that isn't really helping the problem. (The problem partly due to the amount of artificial plastic material, polyester etc I think mixed in in clothing, and cotton producion needs much water - we could use more real wool!?)
But on the positive side work being done on using plastic waste to make better road surfaces - by the state of those around here, something that might not so quickly reproduce potholes would be very beneficial, especially if making use of some waste! Rhiannon
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One of my most used skirts -
One of my most used skirts - for best - was £1 on a charity shop sale rail! It's much easier to see what you like somehow in a mixed medley in a charity shop! I think there was concern about pumping out from charity shops to poorer countries which are doing better to make their own. But the idea of clothing lasting long (and being mended, or changed, seems to have got lost.
btw I rather liked those two phrases that Bosch doesn't like, so you'll have to decide what you want!! Rhiannon
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hi, would cut the editorial
hi, would cut the editorial "A life made bland by ease."
would cut "Have you seen a real tree?" as overkill.
good poem Di.
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take out :A life made bland
take out :A life made bland by ease." and see how it reads. reads cleanly, clearly, (apparenly my favorite words of the moment) to me.
have to repeat, "Have you seen a real tree?" not only is it overkill, but it could be read as a bit condescending
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I like the tree comment! In
I like the tree comment! In my mind it's exactly the kind of thing a child would say
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hi, not to be argumentative,
hi, not to be argumentative, seeking discourse on your poem and not adversary, insert is a smart woman and she sees your poem as if written by a child. i don't, though your speaker seems to be naive, perhaps simple in a good way, which is why a closing line of "Were there wild animals still?" reads with "wonder", and for me is a good close. so, exchanges on poems are good things.
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