In your shoes

Cherry

By Di_Hard

Sat, 23 Jun 2018
  • 4864 reads
12 comments
 

The bag's bright pink, prawn cocktail

in clear script. We don't have prawns now

the sea is plastic soup. You wear shoes

so your feet don't touch the ground, make-believe

the past will be fixed by the future

as you throw it away. A life made bland by ease.

In your shoes, would I eat those crisps

for two minutes' worth intense sensation?

The sell by says 18 08 18.

Could you breathe outside, then?

I read there were birds that sang

and anyone could hear, for free.

Were there wild animals still?

Have you seen a real tree?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Certificate U
Poetry Monthly
Rant

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

The childlike, chatty tone of those questions adds greatly to the chill of this piece and gives it a bigger impact. This is a good one Di!

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou so much Insert. I wasn't sure. Thankyou for the cherries, too

Have been thinking about crisps for ages since hearing the packets will be here in 1000 years but couldn't think how to do it till read the poetry monthly idea. It is so daft how crisps which do us no good at all last only a couple of minutes and the packet lasts forever. There is a metaphor in there somewhere

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

A life made bland by ease is a very telling phrase. So easy just to criticize others, or frustration at the attitudes of 'society'. I was reading of the problems of fasion and the assumptions of constant new clothing necessary, made to feel more comfortable by donating the 'old' to charity shops or poorer countires, but that isn't really helping the problem. (The problem partly due to the amount of artificial plastic material, polyester etc I think mixed in in clothing, and cotton producion needs much water - we could use more real wool!?)

But on the positive side work being done on using plastic waste to make better road surfaces - by the state of those around here, something that might not so quickly reproduce potholes would be very beneficial, especially if making use of some waste! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou, Rhiannon for that, wasn't sure if it was a cliche, is meant to say how easy our lives are compared to other places and times.

We have an amazing charity shop run by a brilliant, kind lady. All the clothes cost £1 and the toys and books, too. And the furniture is very cheap. And all the money goes to a food bank for the island.

There was a very interesting program on the radio recently about fashion. On the one hand, it is destroying the planet; on the other hand it is the only work available for most people in countries like Bangladesh. However there has recently been invented a 3D printer which makes clothes. You feed in the material and program in the pattern you want and out comes the garment. Then when it starts to look a bit tatty you can feed the clothing into another machine which breaks it down into the raw material you started with, and you can make it into a completely new thing. So no need of shops, factories, farms, destruction of habitat etc. But also no need to pay for a lot of livelihoods in places already suffering from rising sea levels etc for which they are not to blame.

It is hard to see how our species can survive if we depend on making stuff we don't need, and buying it over and over again. I love going into that chairity shop and being able to buy something good as new for a £, though :0)

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

One of my most used skirts - for best - was £1 on a charity shop sale rail! It's much easier to see what you like somehow in a mixed medley in a charity shop! I think there was concern about pumping out from charity shops to poorer countries which are doing better to make their own. But the idea of clothing lasting long (and being mended, or changed, seems to have got lost.

btw I rather liked those two phrases that Bosch doesn't like, so you'll have to decide what you want!! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by bosch on

hi, would cut the editorial "A life made bland by ease."

would cut "Have you seen a real tree?" as overkill.

good poem Di.

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou for the input Bosch :0) I was not sure about those bits either, though wondering if it is a rhythm problem. Something in there isn't flowing. I need  blandness as an explanation for why we seek thrills/strong sensations. Your feedback is very helpful, I will have a rethink

 

Submitted by bosch on

take out :A life made bland by ease." and see how it reads. reads cleanly, clearly, (apparenly my favorite words of the moment) to me. 

have to repeat, "Have you seen a real tree?" not only is it overkill, but it could be read as a bit condescending 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

well, someone who has only seen trees on cgi/ virtual reality? The way a child today would say " a real dinosaur?"

am suppose to be cooking, will try what you suggest later and see how it reads :0)

thankyou, again, for your time and expertise

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I like the tree comment! In my mind it's exactly the kind of thing a child would say

 

Submitted by bosch on

hi, not to be argumentative, seeking discourse on your poem and not adversary, insert is a smart woman and she sees your poem as if written by a child. i don't, though your speaker seems to be naive, perhaps simple in a good way, which is why a closing line of "Were there wild animals still?" reads with "wonder", and for me is a good close. so, exchanges on poems are good things.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Insert, Rhiannon and Bosch for all your help.