The Fire

02/12/09

Have you ever thought what would b the world without u?

Have you ever thought how beautiful r the dancing flames... burning everything useless, everything holy, burning your soul...

When something big hits u right in the face with all its might u realize ...many things and think bout the valuable ones.

The fire started...somehow. It burned half the room...MY room. I wasn't there, and every time I think bout it I can't believe. If I was there nothing of it would've happened. Because of HER blindness and careless mistake, they all could've turned into ash... No it isn't her fault that she is blind...it's mine that I wasn't her eyes that fairy moment.

When it all happened I was enjoying one of my rare happy moments with friends, absorbing every ray of light I could. They called me on the cell phone. They didn't say hurry, nor help, nor anything! They just said "buy some medicine when u can..." I didn't suspect anything, the danger was so far away from my mind that I thought it was the normal shopping request. I got home hour after the phone call. Damn me. Outside everything was normal like every boring Sunday...but after a while I was about to know that in life there r no normal Sundays ,and that every sunny day u've taken, u have to repay with darkness...there is nothing 4 free.

I entered the door of the flat and I crashed into a chair. It didn't surprise me, there is nothing strange bout that I thought. And then ... I saw the scared smoky faces of my relatives. I freaked out "wtf had happened"? I was gone only for two hours and it felt like century.

They didn't want to speak bout that... they were giving no sense of life and hope,empty faces,scared eyes and black skin cause of the ash.

I got to my room and carefully opened the black door...half of it was burned -one bed and a cupboard were stinky ashes, the walls were black and they used to b white... Now I noticed the smell it came all over the to the 1st floor and we were on the 5th! I was so busy smiling and flying because of the euphoria of the nice weather and time shared with friends and now what?!

I asked why haven't they told me earlier right when it had happened,and they responded silently that they didn't wanted to disturb. I was so mad and felt hopeless and useless and angry with myself. If I had stayed at one place, all this wouldn't had happened. But I can't stay whole life at the flat...at home.

After the fire everything became normal,the anger, shouting, arguments, it all returned, But for one - simply one holy moment I felt like at home...for the 1st time in 16 years. The scared crying people who had almost faced death stood together,holding to each other,not because of other reason ...they just didn't have any other opportunity.

The smell stays now 5 days later,and no matter of the current repair...no matter that I wasn't there the fire burned my soul. It melted my smile and joy with its heat I couldn't act that good in front of those who I didn't want to tell, and I didn't want to tell anyone. Cause I don't need regret and sad faces around me, neither to hear 'Oh what happened...I'm so sorry ' I don't need that.

When the fire comes to burn u, don't b scared, cause no matter that it'll hurt u, it'll also heal deeper running sores.

*** Lemon***