Fred the penguin

Fred the penguin lived in Antarctica. Like most penguins these days Fred was black and white, had two eyes and green blood as a last remaining trace of his alien origin from when his ancestors first conquered this planet millions of years ago.

Fred was no ordinary penguin however. For a start, his real name was not in fact Fred but Ferdinand Rodrigo Edward Darling Higginsbottom III. Since no one, least of all Fred, could remember (or pronounce) all of this he was known to everyone simply as Fred.

Fred was bored of his Antarctic lifestyle. He thought that there must be something more to life than swimming and catching fish, especially when he didn't even like fish! So Fred decided to go in search of an alternate food source. Unfortunately in the frozen wasteland of the Antarctic any food other than fish, ice or the odd lost and very stupid tourist, was very hard to find. So Fred was forced to look elsewhere for a more satisfactory diet.

One starlit night, after yet another meal of fish, fish fries and fish cake, Fred stood alone on the ice and stared up at the moon. The moon! Everyone knew that it was made of green cheese. That was it! He would go to the moon and bring back enough cheese to keep himself on a fish-free diet for the rest of his life!

So together with all of his friends, who were also rather fed up with fish, Fred built a space shuttle out of ice. This would of course be an impossible task for any human but as you may already know penguins are a far more intelligent species. So after working out the epiheriul formula of x >5.9(84-3.21) ~yz+x (4.9), the shuttle finally got built and Fred blasted off towards his lunar destination.

Penguins despite being a highly intelligent species are sadly lacking in both common sense and directional abilities. So when Fred flew too close to the sun his space shuttle began to melt and when he at last managed to make an emergency landing on the surface of the moon, his ship resembled little more than an ice cube. Poor Fred was left stranded.

Fortunately Fred rather enjoyed his predicament as he soon bumped into some very distant and (very) lost relatives of his ancestors the well-known penguin tribe "Pengustus Forticus", and fell instantly in love with Gill, the daughter of the Chief Priest. Gill, in case you were wondering was actually short for Gertrude Isabelle Lucida Lou Poppycock. They were immediately married and within a month had a family of over two hundred 4-eyed, 3-flippered, neon-green blooded babies.

So Fred and his new family lived happily ever after on a diet of green cheese and moon juice, which, as I'm sure you'll agree, is infinitely better than fish.