Aftermath

It started
The TV left on
An afternoon special
About my life
Old picture of you
Found while cleaning out
Christmas long gone
Count the survivors
Me as a kid
Green and red pajamas
Grinning out the broken windows
And maybe never-weren'ts
Now my finger nails
Painted black
I listen to the same music
Read all the old books
Only the soul won't bisect

The journey
The wine is pouring
The talk is louder
While I am drowning
In a room filled
With so my many strangers
Who used to be friends
Awake at 3 AM
Work is stress incarnate
Thanksgiving
Christmas
A brief respite
A holiday misspent
A wild time of impossibility
We bid our time
No carols
Just sit together
Words of happiness
Whispered
Truths spoken
But not thought

The reality
Phone calls from hospice
My wedding photos
Undeveloped in her camera
To bury your mother
Is the end of youth
No one left to remind me
Of who I was before I knew
Troubled times
A path well beaten
I can see a man yell
My room barricaded
Face flushed
Failing grades
My fingers grasped
As the hinge swung back
To reveal a world
I could never enter

The sentence
My body cut and bruised
A week of moving her stuff
A life of loving someone
Stuck on cruise control
I won't give in
To what can not be taken
To be loved by a woman
Who wouldn't make choices
There has to be a way
To be lucky in this life
I am lucky to be alive